sooenaemoured | 2015: Let's Get Carried Away (for prompt 26)

Title: Let's Get Carried Away
Rating: NC-17
Length: 25,100 words
Summary: Junmyeon comes back with a ring on his finger and it pulls Baekhyun and Kyungsoo into motion. Too bad they never seem to meet each other halfway. They go from friends, to friends with benefits, to something else entirely.
Notes: To B, thank you for being with me during the whole process of writing this fic. This is for you as much as it is for the original prompter. To the original prompter, thank you for such a lovely prompt! I don't feel I did it justice, but I hope you can enjoy this fic regardless!

There’s an envelope waiting for him on the floor of his apartment when Baekhyun gets home. It looks to be small to be a bill, and he has never received a letter before, so he arches a questioning eyebrow at it as he closes the door behind him. He picks it up after taking his shoes off, and walks towards the couch while loosening his tie with his free hand. He collapses into the couch and takes a few seconds to close his eyes and take one, two deep breaths, feeling all the fatigue from the day finally catching up on his body.

He looks down at his hands and flips the envelope. He doesn’t recognize the return address, but it’s listed under ‘Kim Junmyeon’, and he can’t contain the exclamation of surprise that leaves his lips.

Baekhyun hasn’t heard from Junmyeon in a long time. He gets occasional updates from Jongdae, who gets semi-regular updates from Kyungsoo. After college, he kind of lost contact with the oldest parts of their group. He knew Junmyeon was in America, doing post-grad. Yixing went back to China to finish med school, and last Baekhyun heard, he had gotten married and had a baby on the way. He’s seen Minseok a few times over the years since they mostly still run in the same social circles, but the last time he saw him was pure causality. They bumped into each other at a convenience store, and after a brief exchange of how are yous and fines, they promised to stay in touch more out of courtesy than anything else. It’s been almost a year now, and he hasn’t seen him since.

So really, he can’t help but feel a little surprised, and not only because it’s a letter from Junmyeon, but because it is, well, a letter. But Junmyeon’s always been a little old fashioned anyway, and the thought that maybe the Junmyeon that sent this is not that much different from the Junmyeon that he knew years ago makes Baekhyun smile.

He opens the envelope carefully, trying to not tear the paper. Inside there’s a white card that says, in fancy gold characters, “You’re cordially invited to Kim Junghwan and Kim Junmyeon’s wedding, to be celebrated the 12 of June.” After that there’s an address that Baekhyun is going to have to rely on his car’s GPS to get to, and a petition to attend in ‘cocktail attire’.

He reads the little card a few times before putting it down on his lap, then looks up to the ceiling a laughs a little to himself.

“Damn,” he says to his empty apartment. He’s going to have to invest in a nice suit.

*

He gets a call from Jongdae two days later. The loudness of his ringtone startles him a bit, and he yawns as he takes his phone out from where it’s trapped in his pocket. It’s only eight, but he was already falling asleep in front of the TV.

“Can you believe he kept this from us?” is the first thing Jongdae says.

“Hello to you too,” Baekhyun says, reclining back on the couch and reaching for the remote control to mute the TV. “I’m fine, thank you. And you can’t really blame him considering he’s all the way in America,” he notes. Junmyeon left years ago, after all. He doesn’t own any of them anything.

“He didn’t even announce the engagement on Facebook” Jongdae says, voice just a little bit whiny. It makes Baekhyun laugh. “I feel slightly betrayed. Anyway, I didn’t call you just to complain about Junmyeon forgetting about us.”

“Oh, but I bet that was an important factor,” teases Baekhyun. He takes his forgotten mug of tea from the floor where he’d left it and takes a sip.

“Of course,” says Jongdae, nonchalantly, and Baekhyun loves that even after all this time he can still fall in this easy playful routine with Jongdae “But more importantly, I’m calling because Junmyeon’s in town, and he wants to meet up this Friday.”

Baekhyun tries not to choke on his tea, and has to cough a few times before replying. “When did he get here?”

“About a week ago. Said he needs to start with the preparations for the wedding, and he wants to see us.”

“Us as in… all of us?” Baekhyun says, and then takes a careful sip from his cold tea.

“Yeah. You, me, Chanyeol, Jongin, Kyungsoo…” Jongdae pauses then, like he’s expecting Baekhyun to say something, but he doesn’t, so Jongdae continues. “I think even Sehun and Zitao might make it. And Minseok hyung, too.”

“Oh.” There isn’t really a particular reason as to why, but Baekhyun hasn’t seen Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the others in a while. Mostly it’s just been work keeping all of them busy, but that’s not all there is to it, because he knows Jongdae sees them relatively often (Kyungsoo doesn’t count, though, because Jongdae and him work at the same school, so they have to see each other every day). It’s not like Baekhyun’s been hiding, exactly, but he still feels guilty, somehow.

He licks his lips. “Okay, I’ll–“

“You know,” Jongdae cuts in before he can finish. “I can almost hear you overthinking this in that head of yours.”

“I’m not overthinking anything,” Baekhyun says, but he can practically see Jongdae rolling his eyes at him. “Whatever. Count me in. Are we going to meet his fiancé?”

“Nope,” Jongdae says. “He’s still in America, but Junmyeon mentioned he’s leaving in a few weeks, so I guess we’ll meet him sooner or later. And by the way,” his voice gets quieter then, like it does when he’s sharing a secret. “Remember what I used to say about Junmyeon hyung? I was totally right.”

“No,” says Baekhyun. “What was it?”

“That the reason why he never dated any girls was very obvious.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, but he can’t help but laugh anyway. “Okay, Jongdae. You win. See you on Saturday then?”

“Yeah. I’ll text you the address. Junmyeon hyung choose the place, obviously. I’ve never been there, but the name sounds fancy.”

“It will definitely be an upgrade from the clubs you take me to, then,” says Baekhyun, and ends the call after hearing Jongdae’s laugh from the other side of the line.

He yawns again, stretching his arms over his head until his spine cracks, and then collapses back into the couch. If he’s honest, the idea of seeing all his college friends again makes him a little nervous, but it’s also exciting.

Without the sound of the TV playing in the background or Jongdae’s annoyingly loud voice in his ear, his apartment feels awfully quiet. He doesn’t give himself time to think much about it, and just gets up and decides to go to bed early. He has a long day ahead of him tomorrow at work, and he’d rather go to sleep with happy thoughts going through his mind.

*

Baekhyun parks his car a few blocks from where the club is. It’s a Friday night in Gangnam, and the streets are packed. The short walk gives him time to mentally prepare himself, push aside his worries for a while.

He knows the club they’re meeting at by name but he’s never been there. Jongdae is waiting for him in front of the entrance and he smiles warmly at Baekhyun once he spots him.

“Hey,” he says as he pulls Baekhyun into a quick hug that Baekhyun gladly returns. After he pulls back he looks at Baekhyun as if he’s analyzing his face under the dim lighting of the street lights. “You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Baekhyun says, and he means it. He’s just a little anxious, that’s all.

“Well,” says Jongdae, “I’m a little nervous, to be honest.” He lets out a small laugh, and really, it would be weird for him to not feel nervous at all considering they haven’t seen Junmyeon in years, but he thinks that isn’t exactly the reason why Jongdae is concerned about him. “But I’m excited, too.”

“It’ll be fun,” says Baekhyun, and then throws an arm over Jongdae’s shoulders and leads him into the club.

The last time he saw Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongin had been last year. They had met in a club not much different from this one, except it was closer to where Baekhyun lived, on the other side of the river, and the drinks were probably a lot cheaper.

At some point in the night Jongin had coaxed all of them into the dance floor, and Baekhyun had danced carelessly for the first time in months. Kyungsoo was just drunk enough to let himself go, and Baekhyun liked him the best like this, smiling and flushed and looking like he was having fun. And the best part was being able to dance with him, put his hands around Kyungsoo’s waist at the moments the heavy bass of the music made him feel daring enough. He was drunk too, after all, and he could allow himself a little bit of self-indulgence.

Jongin’s sultry moves and Chanyeol’s height and enthusiasm made them gain attention easily, and soon a girl and a boy approached them. The girl was petit and had a rather impressive cleavage (something Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was appreciating as much as he was), and she went straight to Jongin and asked him if he wanted to dance with a resolution that was a little bit intimidating, but Baekhyun couldn’t blame her for wanting to dance with Jongin so badly. Baekhyun knew Jongin wasn’t into girls the way him and Chanyeol were, but he was also never one to take down an invitation to dance. Jongin nodded and smiled at her before putting a hand on her waist, leading her away from them and farther into the crowd.

Chanyeol pouted a little, and Baekhyun was just about to tease him about it when the boy patted Kyungsoo on the shoulder to get his attention. He looked a few years younger than them, but he was tall and broad-shouldered. Baekhyun couldn’t hear them talking over the loud pounding of the music, but he saw Kyungsoo laughing and then taking the hand the boy offered him, and then guiding both of Kyungsoo’s hands over his shoulders. Unlike Jongin and his girl they just stayed there, right in front of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, giving them a perfect view of how the boy leaned down to say something right into Kyungsoo’s ear.

Baekhyun hadn’t feel like dancing anymore. Chanyeol gave him a knowing look, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he just asked Baekhyun if he wanted to go back to their table, maybe order some more drinks, and Baekhyun was reminded why he appreciated having Chanyeol as a friend so much.

As they were leaving, he looked back and caught Kyungsoo’s eye over the boy’s shoulder, and he looked a bit taken aback, as if he didn’t know what to do with Baekhyun staring at him, or maybe like he hadn’t wanted Baekhyun to know he was looking at him in the first place. He didn’t look away, though, and something about the way he just kept dancing with the boy while not tearing his eyes off Baekhyun made Baekhyun’s stomach twist up.

“Let’s meet again sooner next time,” had said Chanyeol a couple of hours later as they were leaving the club, still flushed from dancing and with a hopeful look in his eyes. Next to him Kyungsoo had just nodded silently, and Baekhyun could feel his eyes on him. He was a far much sober than he had been in the dance floor, and he hadn’t dared look back.

“Sure,” said Baekhyun, but the next morning he woke up with a headache and the memory of Kyungsoo’s eyes burned in the back of his mind, and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to keep his promise anymore.

Chanyeol and Jongin called him a few times to invite him to get drinks with them but Baekhyun turned him down time after time. He blamed it on work and it wasn’t a lie, since around that time he’d been busy with his agency’s first project with a new client and he’d been running from meeting to meeting and working extra hours, but he’d be lying if he said it was the only reason. He hadn’t wanted to dwell too much on the feelings that prompted him to turn their invitations down, though, so he just pushed the entire thing aside and managed to mostly forget about it.

Until now.

He and Jongdae pay the cover charge and make their way into the club. It is really fancy, just like Jongdae had predicted. They spot their group in one of the big booths at the back, and the first person Baekhyun sees is, of course, Junmyeon. He’s catches him mid-laugh and Baekhyun can’t help but laugh fondly, because Junmyeon still has one of the ugliest laughing faces he’s ever seen.

“He hasn’t changed at all,” he says to Jongdae, but Jongdae seems way too excited to pay him attention.

“Hyung!” Jongdae screams over the music, loud enough that Junmyeon actually hears him, and then he’s turning towards them with his cute, warm, wrinkled smile.

He and Jongdae make a run towards the table and by the time they get there Junmyeon has stood up and has his arms open wide. Jongdae goes straight for a huge bear hug, which gives Baekhyun time to take note of the others in the table. There’s Jongin, who’s looking at them with a happy, honest expression on his face, and next to him are Sehun and Zitao. Zitao looks a bit like he might have been crying or is on the verge of crying again. Baekhyun wakes at them, and Zitao waves back with a shaky hand.

When Jongdae lets go off Junmyeon, Junmyeon turns to Baekhyun and wraps him in a hug. The last time Junmyeon hugged him like this was right before he left to America and so many things have changed since then, but despite everything Baekhyun finds himself melting into the touch and hugging him back tighter. He didn’t realize before, but he’s missed Junmyeon more than he thought he did.

“It’s good to see you, hyung,” Baekhyun says, right into Junmyeon’s neck.

“You too, Baekhyun-ah” Junmyeon says, and he has a huge smile on his face when Baekhyun pulls back, the one that makes him look a little ridiculous but so, so endearing at the same time.

Junmyeon goes back to his sit next to Jongin, and Jongdae takes the place to his right, hooking arms with Junmyeon effortlessly like it hasn’t been years since they last saw each other. Junmyeon doesn’t seem put off by the gesture at all, though, and seems pretty happy to have Jongdae clinging to him and chatting his ear off.

Baekhyun sits down next to Zitao and throws an arm over his shoulders, giving his arm a light squeeze. “Hey,” he says, and Zitao turns to him with a smile on his pouty mouth. His eyes are a little red, and Baekhyun can see perfectly in his head how his reencounter with Junmyeon probably played out. Now that he can look at him from closer, he notices Sehun’s eyes look a bit puffy too, but he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he reaches over Zitao to ruffle his hair. “Long time no see. If I didn’t know better, I would think you guys have been avoiding me.”

Zitao rolls his eyes at him. “It’s just school, hyung. We’re starting residency soon so it’s been—“

“Terrible,” Sehun cuts in, and it makes Baekhyun chuckle. “It’s not funny, hyung”, Sehun whines, “I think I might die.”

“Come on, Sehun-ah,” says Junmyeon from the other side of the table, successfully putting all the attention back on him even if that probably wasn’t his intention. “You two didn’t make it this far just to give up now.”

“Of course not, hyung” says Zitao, “but you really don’t know how bad it’s been. I think we’re allowed a little exaggerating.”

In Baekhyun’s opinion, they really, really are. He remembers wondering how kids like Sehun and Zitao would make it through med school, but here they are, and he knows how much of a sacrifice it’s been for them.

Junmyeon is going to say something, probably going to agree with Zitao and say something cheesy, like how hard working his dongsaengs turned out to be and how proud he’s of them, but then he’s searching for something in his pockets. He pulls out his phone, taps on the screen a few times and then he raises his head again. “Chanyeol and Kyungsoo said they’re going to be a little late, and Minseok called earlier to say he couldn’t make it, so how about I get us something to drink while we wait for them?”

“Excellent,” says Baekhyun. “I’m dying to start with my extensive interview about your years in America. More specifically, I need to know everything about this Junghwan guy imminently.”

To Junmyeon’s left, Jongin nods and pouts a little. “I still can’t believe you didn’t tell us about him sooner, hyung,” he says. “You can’t just disappear all these years and come back with a ring on your finger. I almost had a heart attack when I received the invitation.”

Junmyeon laughs shyly at that, and his face is red. “I’ll tell you guys all about him later. Let’s order something to drink first.”

After they get their drinks the conversation starts flowing naturally, like it hasn’t been years since they were all together like this. Junmyeon is careful to not say too much about himself or the wedding, maybe saving it for when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrive. He keeps asking the rest of them questions about their lives, and listens attentively to their answers. Baekhyun tells him about his job, about the projects his team has been working on, and that’s it. Junmyeon asks him if he has “anyone important in his life at the moment,” and Baekhyun shakes his head and laughs. “I have more important things to worry about,” he tells him. Junmyeon nods and doesn’t make him any more questions.

Jongin is telling them about how he’s been trying to balance work and finishing the novel he’s currently working on when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo arrive. Kyungsoo’s dragging Chanyeol by the arm and he’s looking around the club trying to find them in the crowd. Chanyeol sees them first, and now it’s him running towards their table dragging Kyungsoo along.

“Hyung!” Chanyeol calls out as they make their way to the table, still holding onto Kyungsoo’s arm. Kyungsoo has a close mouthed, subtle smile on his face, and he waves at them with both hands when they reach the booth, and steps closer to the empty arm chairs next to where Jongdae is sitting. He doesn’t meet Baekhyun’s eye in the slightest, doesn’t even glance at him, but Baekhyun can’t really hold it against him. Kyungsoo has always only have eyes for Junmyeon, after all.

Jongdae bends his knees to make way for Junmyeon to squeeze between him and the table, and once Junmyeon gets to where Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are standing Chanyeol already has his huge arms open for him.

“Congratulations, hyung!” he says as he wraps Junmyeon into a hug, actually lifting him off the floor a few centimeters and making Junmyeon giggle as he pats Chanyeol’s back and asks him to put him down.

Once Junmyeon’s in the floor again he turns to Kyungsoo, who has been watching the scene from a few steps back. “Come here,” says Junmyeon, spreading his arms for him, and Kyungsoo does, with no hesitation. He buries his face in Junmyeon’s neck and Junmyeon puts a hand over his head, his other hand griping Kyungsoo’s waist hard, and for a second it looks so intimate that it makes Baekhyun look away. When he looks up again Junmyeon is sitting down again, this time to Jongdae’s left, and Chanyeol takes the place next to Junmyeon, which leaves Kyungsoo in the armchair to Chanyeol’s right, in the opposite end of the booth and right in front of Baekhyun.

“Sorry,” says Kyungsoo as he sits down, “I got home late from work and Chanyeol had to wait for me.”

Junmyeon smiles reassuringly at him. “Don’t worry about it,” he says.

They get a second round of drinks, the first for Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Jongdae makes a toast for Junmyeon, and gives a cheesy speech about love and friends and coming home that almost makes Junmyeon cry. As he raises his glass, Baekhyun finds Kyungsoo looking at him over his own glass. Baekhyun winks at him, trying to look as unconcerned and relaxed as possible, because he doesn’t have any reasons to feel as agitated as he does right now. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but the expression on his face gives away that he’s trying to hold back a smile, so Baekhyun takes it as a win.

“So, hyung,” starts Sehun after they have all taken a sip from their drinks, and it’s noticeable in his voice that he’s feeling the alcohol, “tell us about your fiancé.”

Even with the dim lighting of the club Baekhyun can still see the pink in Junmyeon’s cheeks, but if anything he looks like he’s dying to talk about it rather than being embarrassed by the idea of talking about his future husband. “What do you want to know?” he asks coyly.

“Everything!” Jongin says. “All I know about him is his name.”

Chanyeol nods in agreement as he takes a sip from his drink. He hits the table with his hand after he puts his glass down. “You have to at least tell us how you met him.”

“Okay,” says Junmyeon, and for the next twenty minutes he goes on and on about Junghwan, as if he’s been waiting the whole night for this, and he probably has. He tells them he’s a musician, and that they met through mutual friends. They dated for two years (“Two whole years!” exclaims Zitao with indignation, like Junmyeon not telling him about this is a huge offense) before Junghwan proposed. He grew up in America, but they decided to hold the ceremony in Korea since it’s only Junghwan and his mom in America and taking all of Junmyeon’s family there would have been too much of a hustle.

“And I wanted you guys to be there,” he says, voice serious but his words a little slurred. “I know I haven’t been the best at keeping in touch, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could come. And it means a lot that you came today,” he looks down. “I missed you guys.”

Baekhyun would usually tease him about how close he looks to crying, but he’s way past tipsy and feeling pretty emotional himself. He looks around the table and the rest of their friends seem to be in a similar state. Zitao is resting his head in Sehun’s shoulder, eyes shining. “We missed you too, hyung,” he says.

The rest of the night consists of catching up and getting progressively drunker as the night goes on. Chanyeol makes them play a drinking game that has them all slurring their words by the end. Baekhyun is having a legitimately good time. Now, laughing and with alcohol in his system, he can’t remember why he hadn’t let himself do this in such a long time, but then he looks at Kyungsoo and finds him watching him from the other side of the table, with an intensity that makes Baekhyun's breath catch, and he swallows down the rest of his drink, now more water and ice than actual alcohol, to drown the feeling that starts creeping up his chest. It’s doesn’t work, though, and he can feel his heart beating faster and then dropping to his stomach as Kyungsoo turns his head slightly to whisper something to Chanyeol, still with his eyes locked with Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun can’t hear what he says, but Chanyeol nods and flashes Kyungsoo a toothy smile before whispering something back, now looking at Baekhyun too.

“Are you guys talking about me?” asks Baekhyun, with probably too little self-awareness, but he can’t bring himself to care. It makes Kyungsoo laugh, and now Baekhyun takes notice of the little signals that tell him Kyungsoo is probably feeling the alcohol as much as he is: his red cheeks, his glossy eyes, his open mouthed smile.

“Yes,” he says to Baekhyun. “We were talking about you. I was saying how surprised I am that you finally decided to stop hiding.”

Baekhyun frowns, and he can feel his heart beat on his neck. “I wasn’t hiding. I’ve been…” The expression in Kyungsoo’s face is a lot more serious now. Baekhyun licks his lips. “Busy. With work.”

“If you say so,” says Kyungsoo.

By the time they call it a night they’re a bit of a mess. Jongin is already dozing off in Junmyeon’s shoulder, and Jongdae keeps laughing at everything but not saying much at all. Junmyeon can barely stand straight.

“Help me get them a cab,” says Zitao, as he half carries an intoxicated Sehun out of the club. Zitao was the first one to get drunk, but surprisingly he’s one of the most sober ones. Between Zitao and Chanyeol they manage to send Junmyeon home. He somehow gives the driver clear enough directions, and he waves at them through the window as the cab rides off. Zitao and Sehun leave next, and Zitao hugs each of them after getting Sehun into the cab. “It was nice seeing you, hyung,” he says to Baekhyun when he pulls back.

“You too,” says Baekhyun honestly. Zitao gives him a small smile before closing the door of the cab.

Chanyeol decides to accompany Jongin to make sure he gets home safe. He asks Kyungsoo if he’s okay with that, and they seem to have a silent conversation with their eyes until Kyungsoo nods. Chanyeol catches Baekhyun’s arm as he gets into the cab after Jongin. “Let’s meet again sooner this time,” he says, just like he did that night months ago. “Promise me.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, and this time he means it.

Jongdae puts a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “We should get a cab too, since there’s no way I’m letting you drive like this.”

Shit. He was supposed to take Jongdae home, he completely forgot. He's drunk, much drunker than he had planned on getting tonight, and Jongdae is right, he is in no way in condition to drive right now. “Sorry,” he says. “I don’t want to just leave my car here, though. Don’t wanna have to come for it tomorrow.”

“You guys could stay with me, if you want to,” Kyungsoo says. “I only live a few blocks from here.”

Baekhyun looks at him with wide eyes and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Jongdae doesn’t wait for him to answer. “Okay then. I’ll just get home on my own.”

“Wait,” Baekhyun says, but Jongdae just shakes his head and gives him a cheeky smile.

“I have work in the morning,” he explains. “I’ll see you guys around.” He gives Baekhyun one last knowing look, and then he’s turning around.

He and Kyungsoo watch Jongdae’s cab get lost around a corner in silence, and then Kyungsoo turns towards him. “Are you coming or not?” Baekhyun just nods, still a little unsettled by this sudden arrangement. Kyungsoo’s face softens, as if he noticed how unsure Baekhyun feels about this. He gives Baekhyun’s hand a quick squeeze. “Let’s go, then,” he says as he lets go of his hand, and he lingers in place a few seconds before starting walking. Baekhyun nods again, even if Kyungsoo can’t see him doing it now, and hurries up to catch up with him.

They walk like this for a while, side by side and not saying anything. Maybe it’s just the alcohol, but Baekhyun’s face feels hot. He glances at Kyungsoo, who looks back at him with curious eyes. The street lights cast strong shadows on his face, but his expression is soft still, and it makes Baekhyun’s heart pick up its pace a little. It makes him feel juvenile, and not in an entirely pleasant way.

Eventually, the silence becomes too much for Baekhyun. “Isn’t it crazy?” he says. Kyungsoo isn’t looking at him anymore. He just keeps walking in silence, but Baekhyun takes is as an invitation to continue. He clears his throat. “How one of us is getting married, I mean.”

It’s been plaguing Baekhyun’s thoughts for the last few days. Yixing got married a couple of years ago, but seeing the pictures Zitao and Sehun, the only two that attended the ceremony in China, uploaded on Weibo hadn’t feel quiet as real as getting an invitation to Junmyeon’s wedding. Baekhyun was still fresh out of college and trying to figure out life as an adult, but he’s older now and the idea of marriage, settling down, doesn’t seem as far-off to him as it did back then. It’s something his family asks him about more often than not, something his coworkers talk about in the office. And Junmyeon getting married… it’s a reminder, in a way, of his empty apartment, and of the fact that he hasn’t been in a serious relationship in years. Because of his job, he doesn’t really have time to feel alone most of the time, or time to pity himself. That’s just the kind of person he is. But sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable, particularly lonely, or when he’s drunk, like right now, he doesn’t have the strength to keep those thoughts away.

Kyungsoo, when Baekhyun raises his head to look at him again, seems like he’s lost in his own thoughts, so Baekhyun doesn’t try to make conversation again. He wonders if Kyungsoo’s thinking about the same things Baekhyun’s thinking about. He wonders if Kyungsoo feels lonely sometimes, too.

A little later, when they’re in the elevator of Kyungsoo’s building, Kyungsoo meets Baekhyun’s gaze in the mirror on the back wall. “It is crazy,” he says. The lighting in the elevator makes the pink in his cheeks more evident than it looked in the dark of the streets. His hair is mussed up a little, sticking to the sides of his face. Baekhyun’s heart aches with something he’s not drunk enough to name. “I didn’t believe him when he first told me. I made him show me the ring, and Junghwan hyung’s, too.”

Oh. “You already knew?” Baekhyun asks, his voice coming out a little shaky.

“Yeah,” says Kyungsoo. “He told me a few days before he took the plane here. And he…” Kyungsoo lowers his head and licks his lips. “He asked me to be his best man.”

Oh. Kyungsoo used the English words, but Baekhyun recognizes them. “Are they having a western wedding, then?”

“I guess,” Kyungsoo says. “Junmyeon hyung said a traditional wedding would be too complicated considering they’re both men.”

Baekhyun’s going to reply that it makes sense but then the elevator stops and a little ding indicates they’re in Kyungsoo’s floor. It’s one of those tall, modern buildings, and Kyungsoo’s apartment is in one of the top floors. Kyungsoo walks out of the elevator as soon as the automatic door retracts, and Baekhyun follows him to the door of his apartment. Kyungsoo fights a little with his keys before opening the door. Maybe he’s nervous, just like Baekhyun.

Or maybe he’s just drunker than he seems.

Kyungsoo opens the door and takes a step back to let Baekhyun in first. Baekhyun’s never been in Kyungsoo’s apartment before. Kyungsoo used to live with Jongin in a small two rooms, one bathroom apartment while they were in college, but he got a place for himself after graduating, and over the years… there just haven’t been any reasons for Baekhyun to see his new place. Kyungsoo closes the door behind him and turns on the light. Baekhyun walks into the living room awkwardly and looks around. There’s not much furniture, only the strictly necessary, (a couch, a TV, a shelf with more DVDs than books, a half empty mug of coffee in the coffee table) and the white walls are mostly empty. He’s going to tell Kyungsoo he has a nice place, but then Kyungsoo speaks from behind him.

“Do you want some water or something?” he asks, and Baekhyun turns around to face him. “There are leftovers from lunch too, if you’re hungry.”

“I’m good,” says Baekhyun. Right now he just wants to sleep. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m gonna go get you some blankets, then” Kyungsoo says. “Are you okay with taking the couch?”

“Yeah, sure,” says Baekhyun. He flops down on the couch and takes his jacket off.

Kyungsoo nods and then disappears into the hallway. He comes back a moment later with two fluffy blankets folded in his arms. Baekhyun stands up to take them from him and leave them on the couch.

“Do you think you’ll be good with these?” asks Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, thanks,” says Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo nods again, and Baekhyun expects him to leave then, but he doesn’t. He looks somehow hesitant, and he’s biting the inside of his mouth, like he does when he’s thinking hard about something. “You can sleep with me if you want to,” he says, after a long pause. It takes Baekhyun by surprise. He opens his mouth to answer but no words come out. “It’s cold, and I have a queen bed.” Kyungsoo adds, like it makes perfect sense in his head. He’s holding Baekhyun’s surprised gaze, and the expression on his face is unreadable.

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun starts, but has to stop and break eye contact. He swallows. “Wouldn’t that be a little awkward?”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks, frowning.

“Because…” There are a thousand reasons, really, and Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo’s aware of every single one of them. Baekhyun’s shared a bed with his friends before, sure. This isn’t about that. He used to sleep in Jongdae’s bed with him all the time, and he still does sometimes. He used to sneak into Chanyeol’s dorm room to spend the night playing computer games, and he fell asleep on Yixing’s bed listening to his soft guitar playing more than once, the list goes on. He knows, because he’s seen it, that Kyungsoo has shared a bed with Jongin, Chanyeol, even Junmyeon. But he and Kyungsoo… that’s just something they don’t do, something that’s beyond their carefully build boundaries, the limits they’ve laid out to make sense of their relationship. But he can’t say that out loud. That would be going against their own rules, too. “Because we—“

“We what?” cuts in Kyungsoo, and he steps closer towards the couch, towards Baekhyun.

“Because we’ve never done that before,” Baekhyun says quietly, meeting Kyungsoo’s gaze again. He doesn’t know why Kyungsoo’s doing this, if he’s trying to mess with Baekhyun’s thoughts on purpose, but he knows he doesn’t like where this is going.

“It’s not a big deal, Baekhyun,” says Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun can tell Baekhyun’s reaction is bothering him, and he doesn’t understand why. “I was just offering. But if you’d rather sleep here, then fine,” he says and then turns around to leave, but Baekhyun grabs him by the arm before he can take the first step and makes him turn over so he’s facing Baekhyun.

“Hey,” Baekhyun says. “What’s going on?”

He’s not just asking about what happened just now, or about the strange looks in the club earlier. He noticed something strange was going on months ago, when Kyungsoo wouldn’t tear his eyes off Baekhyun as he grinded on some guy in the dance floor, and he was reminded again today. They’ve been playing this game for far too long for Baekhyun to not be able to read Kyungsoo’s signals, and he just… can’t deal with this right now, not when he’s confused and lonely and still a little drunk.

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply. He just looks at Baekhyun, and there’s a strange glint in his big, round eyes, an expression Baekhyun’s never seen on his face before. He’s going to let go of Kyungsoo but suddenly he’s being pushed backwards. Before he can react, Kyungsoo has him backed up against the wall, pushing their bodies together until their chests are pressed against each other’s.

“Kyungsoo?” he whispers, breathing hard. Kyungsoo’s expression finally breaks, and a flash of emotion shows on his face. The narrow line of his shoulders is stretched in a straight line, and he doesn’t feel small at all right now pressed up against Baekhyun’s body.

“You’re so frustrating,” Kyungsoo says, tone accusatory and harsh. He raises the hand that’s not clutching at Baekhyun’s arm and presses down on Baekhyun’s shoulder, hard, and then gets even closer, until their foreheads are touching.

He can feel Kyungsoo’s breathe on his lips. He wants to push him away, laugh this off, but he can’t. As Kyungsoo tilts his head and leans up Baekhyun has a second to close his eyes and think this is it, this is going to change things forever, and then Kyungsoo’s lips are on his.

He kisses Baekhyun like he’s been starving for it, like he’s wanted to do this for years, and maybe he has. Baekhyun gives himself a moment to relish on that thought, let it fill him up from the inside out, and then he kisses Kyungsoo back. It feels like giving up, giving in, but he can’t remember why he fought so hard against this all these years, not when Kyungsoo’s nibbling at his bottom lip and then sucking hard where his teeth were. So Baekhyun concedes, gives himself up, and puts a hand on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck to adjust the angle, and kisses him with all he’s got.

It gets too hot too fast, their kiss frantic and messy. Baekhyun fists a hand in Kyungsoo’s hair and pulls, and it makes Kyungsoo moan into the kiss. Kyungsoo presses their bodies closer together and practically melts against Baekhyun. He can feel Kyungsoo’s heat through his clothes, can feel his heart beating like crazy, just like Baekhyun’s own. Baekhyun moves from Kyungsoo’s mouth to his check, his jaw, and sucks hard on the exposed skin of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo gasps, high and loud, and then claims Baekhyun’s mouth again. He shifts his hips just right, and oh god, Baekhyun can feel the outline of his cock even through his pants and his underwear, and it sends a spark of pleasure up his spine.

Baekhyun pulls away and breaths heavily, his mouth brushing against Kyungsoo’s. He needs a few seconds to collect himself, to try to make sense of what they’re doing. “Kyungsoo,” he says helplessly, because all other words fail him. Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, just moves his hand from Baekhyun’s shoulder to his cheek and kisses him hard again. Baekhyun lets him take control, opens up his mouth for Kyungsoo to explore. He moves a hand down to grip at Kyungsoo’s waist and cants his hips down, and moans as Kyungsoo meets him halfway.

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says wetly against the skin of Baekhyun’s cheek. “Come to bed with me.” There’s a “please” implicit in the way his voice trembles, and this is such a bad idea. All the reasons why they shouldn’t be doing this flash through Baekhyun’s mind, but he still wants it so, so much.

“Yes,” Baekhyun says, and then kisses Kyungsoo again. “Yes,” he repeats breathlessly as Kyungsoo pulls back and takes his hand.

Kyungsoo leads him to his room in a rush, and they make their way inside in the dark, the room only illuminated from the light they left on in the living room. They can’t keep their hands off each other, can’t stop kissing. Baekhyun is led backwards until the back of his legs meets the mattress, and then Kyungsoo pushes him down on the bed and up until Baekhyun’s head is resting on his pillows. He climbs over him and brings one leg between Baekhyun’s, and presses down with a dirty roll of his hips. Baekhyun moans loudly and Kyungsoo kisses him again, filthy and wet and with too much tongue, as if he wants to pull the sound out of him. It feels good, Kyungsoo’s weight pinning him down and his hard cock grinding against him. He’s not drunk anymore, but he still feels lightheaded.

Kyungsoo pulls back just enough to paw at Baekhyun shirt, and Baekhyun gets the hint. They slow down, somehow, and together they undo the buttons of Baekhyun’s shirt, leaving it to hang open at his sides. Kyungsoo dips down his head to lick at his clavicle, making Baekhyun shiver, and touches every bit of exposed skin he can get to. His hands find Baekhyun’s belt, and then his zipper, and he keeps his eyes locked to Baekhyun’s as he pulls it down. Baekhyun feels dizzy with need, and he groans as Kyungsoo takes his cock in his hand and pumps up and down a few times, swiping his thumb over the head, and Baekhyun could scream from how intense it feels. Then Kyungsoo’s pulling back to undo his own pants, and he licks his palm before bringing it around both of their cocks, supporting his weight with hand flat on the mattress next to Baekhyun’s head.

It feels so good, Kyungsoo’s hard cock rubbing against his own and Kyungsoo’s soft, small hand pumping them with a steady rhythm. He can’t keep himself from moaning with every drag of Kyungsoo’s hand, their precome making the slide easy and smooth. It almost feels unreal, having Kyungsoo like this, panting heavily above him. This is something he never thought he could have and the thought makes his chest tighten up, makes him feel heavy with the implications of what they’re doing, but then Kyungsoo’s kissing him again, and he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind and focuses on Kyungsoo, the filthy pressure on his cock and the wet slide of Kyungsoo’s tongue against his own.

Baekhyun comes first, his orgasm hitting him hard and making him cry out. Kyungsoo stokes him through it, milking his cock dry as he feels his come drip warm on his own belly, and then he starts jerking himself off at a fast pace, propping himself up on his elbow to get better access to Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun fists his hand in Kyungsoo’s hair again, making Kyungsoo groan into the kiss. Baekhyun leaves his mouth to such on his neck hard enough to leave a mark, and then Kyungsoo’s coming, all over Baekhyun’s chest and tummy. His quiet moans get drowned down between Baekhyun’s lips.

Kyungsoo’s arm gives in and he flops down onto the bed next to Baekhyun, breathing heavily. Baekhyun turns into his side to face him. He can barely make out Kyungsoo’s features in the dim lighting of the room, but he can see his mouth curved up in a soft smile. As his breath goes back to normal and he comes down from his high, he expects the realization of what they’ve just done hits him heavily, but he’s too worn out to care. Kyungsoo kisses him again, soft and slow this time, like they have all the time in the world, and Baekhyun’s willing to pretend, if only this time.

“Sleep,” Kyungsoo says, throwing an arm over Baekhyun’s chest and cuddling closer to him. There’s come drying on Baekhyun’s skin, but Kyungsoo’s voice and body are so warm and inviting, impossible to resist, so he just closes his eyes.

*

It’s a no longer dark out when he wakes up, day light filtering through the blinds. Kyungsoo’s still asleep, and he has his head tucked in Baekhyun’s neck, his breath warm against Baekhyun’s skin. He still has an arm over Baekhyun’s middle. He gives himself a few seconds to take it all in, pretend just a little bit longer, and then he untangles himself from Kyungsoo and raises until he’s sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed. Kyungsoo makes the tiniest, cutest noise Baekhyun has ever heard him make and rearranges his position until he’s comfortable again now that he doesn’t have Baekhyun’s body to use as a pillow, but he doesn’t wake up.

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and lets his eyes linger on his face, his features softened by the morning light. His dark eyelashes, his nose, his cupid’s bow. Baekhyun wants to kiss him awake, but he holds that impulse back. He doesn’t know where they stand right now. To be completely honest, he doesn’t even know where he wants them to stand right now, after what happened last night.

The truth is, this thing between him and Kyungsoo has been going on for far too long. He can deny it, most of the time, or forget about it if he keeps himself busy enough, but somehow it’s still always in the back of his mind, ready to come haunt him when he lasts expects it. How maybe, just maybe, they could have been something back in college if either of them had been brave enough to speak up, if Baekhyun hadn’t been so scared of rejection and of the intensity of his own feelings. Until last night the possibility of him being the only one feeling this way, of Kyungsoo not wanting him back was still very present on his head, but now he doesn’t know what to think.

Back in college, Baekhyun was louder and arguably far more annoying than he is now. Age has changed him for the better, he thinks. He doesn’t miss the constant need for validation he used to fight against when he was younger. He’s never talked about this with anyone, not even with Jongdae, because it sounds stupid in his head, but in a way, being around people that knew him in college makes him feel like the person he was back then all over again. The Baekhyun that would speak before thinking and be a little too mean just for the sake of a joke; that would only find real comfort with a warm body pressed close against his. The Baekhyun that used to stare at Kyungsoo with longing burning in his chest, and then would feel his heart breaking when he caught him looking at someone else. More often than not, that someone else had been Junmyeon.

It would be easier to let go, he thinks, if there weren’t also things he misses from those days and that he wished he could have back. Like being a few doors apart from Chanyeol and Jongdae, or being within touching distance of Jongin or Zitao whenever he needed a good hug. But that was years ago, and he’s closer to thirty than he is to twenty, now. He has a new life, with new friends and colleagues and acquaintances and weekly night outs with Jongdae, and he doesn’t have to try to convince himself that that’s enough for him because it is, except for when it isn’t.

Maybe Kyungsoo wants this to be a one-time thing, get their inconvenient feelings for each other out of the way so they can both move on with their lives and truthfully, Baekhyun would be okay with that. He doesn’t want to lose Kyungsoo’s friendship, and more than anything, what he wants is closure. Clearly he isn’t doing so well on that front. Maybe Junmyeon’s engagement made Kyungsoo feel lonely, too. That’s not a pleasant thought.

It’s still April, and he suddenly feels cold without Kyungsoo’s body keeping him warm. He starts buttoning his shirt up but then his fingers brush against the dry come on his chest. Sighing, he stands up from the bed slowly to not wake Kyungsoo up. He zips up his pants as he looks around the room. There’s a door at the other side of the room, and he figures it must be the bathroom. He walks inside and closes the door carefully behind him. He finds his gaze in the mirror, and he looks a bit like a mess, his hangover showing on his face. He gets rid of the come on his skin with damp toilet paper, buttons up his shirt and then plashes cold water on his face. He’s toweling his face dry when he hears Kyungsoo call out his name form inside the room.

He steps outside the bathroom and gets a flash of Kyungsoo sitting on the bed all tensed up before his shoulders relax. He seems relieved to see him, like maybe he thought Baekhyun had left.

“You’re here,” he says, his voice deep and cranky with sleep still lingering on the edges.

“Yeah,” says Baekhyun. There’s a long, awkward pause, like neither of them knows what to say next.

Kyungsoo ends biting the bullet for both of them. “Baekhyun, about last night—“

“It’s okay,” says Baekhyun, not meeting Kyungsoo’s eye. “Let’s not…” he takes a deep breath. He still doesn’t know what he wants from this, what he wants from Kyungsoo. “Let’s not overcomplicate this. We’re still friends, right?”

“Oh,” says Kyungsoo, voice soft. Too soft. He clears his throat. “Is that what you want?” he asks, and there’s something heavy about the way he says it. Baekhyun doesn’t want to read too much into it.

“I…” he’s lost at words again. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. “Yeah,” it’s all he says in the end.

“Okay,” whispers Kyungsoo.

“I… I have to go get my car,” says Baekhyun. “Thank you for letting me stay,” he adds when Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything.

“No problem,” says Kyungsoo, and then he’s pushing the blankets covering the lower half of his body away and getting out of the bed. Baekhyun can’t help but notice he’s only hearing tight dark boxer briefs. Kyungsoo’s never been a huge fan of pants, he remembers. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“You don’t have to,” Baekhyun says, awkwardly.

Kyungsoo just looks at him, face blank. “Shut up,” he says, but he has a tiny small on his face as he passes by Baekhyun.

They walk together through the short hallway to the door in silence. The light of the living room is still on. Kyungsoo opens the door for him, and Baekhyun finally meets his gaze. The look in Kyungsoo’s eyes makes him linger for a second, and he involuntary takes notice of the state Kyungsoo is in right now. Hair a mess, full lips bitten dark, eyes still sleepy. There’s red mark on his neck that Baekhyun’s mouth left. He looks unnerving, inviting, and Baekhyun can’t help himself.

He bends down and kisses him softly, just a brief brush of lips. Kyungsoo’s eyes are blown wide when Baekhyun pulls back.

“I’ll call you,” Baekhyun says before he has the time to regret what he just did.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, and then Baekhyun’s out of the door. He doesn’t turn back until he hears to door click close.

*

Baekhyun doesn’t keep his promise, though. It’s already Thursday and he has yet to call Kyungsoo, or contact him in any way.

He doesn’t know what the protocol is for this. He’s had one night stands before, sure, but never with one of his best friends.
He keeps replying that night in his head and he can’t help but feel a little stupid. The signs were so obvious, had been for a while. Maybe Kyungsoo had been waiting for Baekhyun to catch up with him all this time. The thought is equal parts comforting and confusing. He remembers the look in Kyungsoo’s eyes right before he had kissed Baekhyun, and how worried he had looked in the morning when he hadn’t found Baekhyun sleeping next to him. But he remembers how Kyungsoo’s face had lightened up when he saw Junmyeon, and how close and tender he hugged Junmyeon, too, and it makes him feel… Baekhyun doesn’t know what to make of it.

He meets Jongdae after work, and they go to their usual restaurant for soju and grilled pork. Naturally, he tells Jongdae everything, or as much as Jongdae needs to know, because Baekhyun’s never been able to keep much from him.

Jongdae doesn’t seem surprised by the news.

“I hope you realize how stupid this entire thing is,” he says, mouth full of meat. Baekhyun’s going to say it isn’t stupid, it’s just complicated, Jongdae wouldn’t understand, but then Jongdae rolls his eyes at him. “Don’t even start. Kyungsoo had been acting weird all week so I talked to him this morning. He didn’t exactly tell me the whole story, but I figured it out anyway. And honestly, after the other night…”
Baekhyun drops the piece of meat he was bringing up to his mouth. “You set me up, you asshole.” It seems so evident now, Baekhyun can’t believe he didn’t realize before.

Jongdae smiles his big, feline smile. “It worked, didn’t it? Not that you guys needed much help. You two couldn’t keep your eyes off each other all night. I think even Junmyeon-hyung noticed something was up.”

Baekhyun groans. “We couldn’t have been than bad.”

“You kinda were,” Jongdae says. Baekhyun feels his earns turn red. “I think most of us knew already, if that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t,” Baekhyun says, as he pours himself another glass of soju, more to have something to do with his hands than anything else.

Jongdae’s looking at him carefully, like he always does when they talk about feelings. “Look,” he says, and he lowers his voice so it’s just loud enough to be heard over the sound of people talking and glasses clinking around them. “I’m not gonna try to tell you or Kyungsoo what to do, but I just want you to know than from the outside this looks like a really dumb situation. You guys just need to talk.”

Baekhyun grips his chopsticks a little too strongly, and holds himself back from telling Jongdae to fuck off and mind his own business. What bothers him is that Jongdae is probably right. It seems like his relationship with Kyungsoo is just one communication issue after the other. But there are things Jongdae doesn’t know, things Baekhyun has kept to himself all these years and that he doesn’t expect anyone to understand.

“It’s not that easy,” he says. Except that it could be easy, he knows that. It’s just that he and Kyungsoo, things between them… they’ve never been easy.

Jongdae’s looking at him with concern in his eyes. “I’m just worried, you know. I don’t want to see either of you sad because of this.”

“I can handle it,” Baekhyun says. “I’m a big boy. I’m not twenty anymore.”

“Neither is Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says. “Kyungsoo... things have changed for him, too.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what Jongdae wants to say with that. Did Kyungsoo tell you that? He wants to ask. How can you know for sure? It’s been seven years and Baekhyun’s still…

He shakes his head, and it makes him a little dizzy. He’s starting to feel the alcohol a bit. “What does that have to do with any of this?”

Jongdae sighs. “I’m starting to think you’re being dense on purpose.” He smiles, then, eyes playful, as if he knows something Baekhyun doesn’t. “I’ll just let you solve this yourselves. Just know that I’m always here if you feel like you’re needing a little scolding.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun says, not meaning it at all. Or maybe just a little. “You’re a real friend.”

“Of course,” Jongdae says. “Anyway, are you free tomorrow?

“I have a meeting at 10 but I’m free after lunch,” Baekhyun replies. He frowns and squints his eyes at Jongdae. Nothing good can come from this. “Why?”

“I’m gonna go looking for a suit, and you’re coming with me”

“Jongdae, the wedding is in three months,” says Baekhyun, eyebrows raised.

“Two months and a week,” Jongdae corrects. “And I don’t want to leave it for last minutes as you’re probably planning to.” He’s not wrong. He had decided to just rent a suit, deal with it when he has to. But buying one seems like a good idea, too. He can afford it, and he doesn’t really have a nice suit, just his boring office ones. “And I’ll probably have to get it tailored, so I want to make sure I do everything with time.”

Baekhyun pretends to consider his options, even if he already decided. “Fine, I’ll go with you” he says. He can’t let Jongdae choose on his own, anyway. He has terrible taste.

*

They go from store to store for hours. Jongdae tries on everything he finds on his size, and then inspects himself carefully in front of the mirror from every angle, just to decide he doesn’t like the shape of the buttons of the jacket make or that the color doesn’t match well with his skin. It’s driving Baekhyun insane.

“If I had known how picky you were going to be I really wouldn’t have come,” he laments as they leave the fourth shop. Baekhyun hasn’t even had the energy to look for a suit for himself.

“Don’t be a baby,” Jongdae says as he types something on his phone, probably to check for other shops in the area. “You already agreed, there’s nothing you can do now.”

“If you don’t buy something in the next store, I’m leaving.” It’s already noon, and Baekhyun has work to do.

“It’s not my fault nothing fits my gloriously sculpted body,” Jongdae says, and looks up from his phone. Just as he lifts his head, he seems to spot something in front of them. “Hey, isn’t that Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun’s stomach flips. He turns to where Jongdae’s looking, and yes, that’s Kyungsoo walking a couple of meters in front of them. Baekhyun could probably recognize his back and his narrow shoulders anywhere. “Um, yeah,” Baekhyun says, eloquently.

“How convenient,” Jongdae says, and before Baekhyun can do anything to stop him, he’s calling out Kyungsoo’s name, his loudness startling everyone around them.

Kyungsoo turns around, and smiles widely once he sees them. Baekhyun’s heart starts beating like crazy. He hasn’t seen Kyungsoo since… since that night. He knows that it’s his fault, but he still didn’t expect to run into Kyungsoo like this. Maybe this is his punishment, he thinks.

Kyungsoo waits for them to catch up with him. He’s wearing a white button up, dark jeans and dress shoes, which means he was probably at work. “Hey,” he says. He’s smiling, and he doesn’t look uncomfortable at all, but Baekhyun knows he can be a good liar when he needs to be. “What are you two up to?”

“I’m trying to find a suit for the wedding,” Jongdae says. “And Baekhyun here is just getting in the way, as usual.”

Baekhyun makes a face. “Don’t listen to him. If anyone’s been getting in the way, that’s him.”

“Anyway,” continues Jongdae “Want to come with us? We’re going to one more shop and then I’ll release Baekhyun from his suffering.” Baekhyun turns to Jongdae and tries to say don’t do this to me with his eyes, but Jongdae isn’t even looking at him. Baekhyun needs a new best friend, one that wouldn’t interfere with his life decisions like this.

“Sure,” says Kyungsoo, if only a little reluctantly. He offers Baekhyun a small, hard to read smile. Baekhyun smiles back, but he knows it mustn’t look sincere at all. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind, though. Baekhyun wonders how he can look so calm when the last time they saw each other, they touched each other’s dicks and Baekhyun kissed him good-bye at the door. And Baekhyun said he’d call him, and he didn’t. Maybe Kyungsoo’s pretending he’s not angry because Jongdae’s here and he doesn’t want to make things awkward, but that’s not something Kyungsoo would do.

Baekhyun’s confused. But if Kyungsoo isn’t going to make a big deal about this, he figures he shouldn’t.

The last shop they visit is the smallest they’ve been to today, and it’s one of those that only sell suit. It seems a little pricier than the others but the suits are elegant, the fabrics beautiful and smooth. Jongdae seems to be taking his search more seriously now, and looks at each piece carefully. The clerk asks him if he needs any help, and then if it’s for a friend’s wedding, and with that he seals his destiny. There’s nothing Jongdae likes more than conversation.

Baekhyun takes the opportunity and starts looking for a suit for himself. It’s a little awkward, with Kyungsoo just following him around and looking at each item Baekhyun picks up. Baekhyun’s trying to keep it cool, but it’s unsettling. Now that Jongdae is busy somewhere else, he’s beginning to feel the tension. Kyungsoo’s not talking to him, and Baekhyun can tell he’s pissed. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do, so he just takes two sets from the hangers.

“I’m gonna try these on,” he says, not meeting Kyungsoo’s eye.

“I’ll go with you,” Kyungsoo says, putting down a tie he was inspecting. “So you can show me.”

“Right,” says Baekhyun, as he looks around for the fitting room. “Aren’t you going to try anything on?”

“I already made plans with Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo says, and of course, of course he already made plans with Junmyeon. Baekhyun tries to seem as unaffected as he can.

The fitting room is small, with only two cubicles. Baekhyun gets into the one farthest to the entrance locks the door behind him. Kyungsoo can wait. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and sighs. Then, he examines the two suits he brought. He didn’t really look at them too closely before taking them. One is dark blue, almost black, and the other is grey. Quickly, he puts on the blue one, buttoning the jacket up over the light blue shirt he put on today for work. The pants are way too big for him. They hang low on his hips and completely hide his feet.

There’s a knock in the door. “Come on,” it’s Kyungsoo. “Come out already.” Baekhyun takes a deep breath and steps out of the cubicle, ready to be laughed at.

Kyungsoo doesn’t laugh at him, be he looks like he wants to. He raises his eyebrows and his mouth twists down, like he’s trying to hold back a smile. “Just put on the other one,” he says, and Baekhyun can hear the amusement in his voice.

Baekhyun’s not sure if he’s allowed to make a joke right now, all things considered, but he can’t help himself. “Ah,” he fake laments. “I knew these pants didn’t make my ass any justice.”

Kyungsoo lets out a chuckle and shakes his head. Baekhyun counts it as a win.

He goes back inside the tiny room and puts the grey suit on, and expects himself in the mirror. He looks good, he thinks. He winks at himself as he adjusts his tie. The jacket accentuates the line of his waist, and the trousers are tight enough to give his ass and legs some shape.

“So,” Baekhyun says as he steps out of the booth. “What about this one? I think it’s way better than the other one.” He’s feeling brave, so he turns around and shakes his ass a little. “See, these pants do make my ass justice.”

Kyungsoo stares at him insensibly a few seconds, squinting a little. “Baekhyun,” he says. “That’s not how you tie a tie.” He gets closer to Baekhyun slowly, and once he’s close enough he reaches for Baekhyun’s neck to tug on the tie slightly. Baekhyun gulps. He’s going to say that of fucking course he knows how to tie a tie, he’s been tying his own ties for years, but then Kyungsoo’s tugging him closer by the hand he has wrapped around the tie. “I’ll teach you how to do it properly,” he says, and then pulls Baekhyun backwards back into the room and closes the door behind him. It happens just as fast as what happened in Kyungsoo’s apartment a week ago. Suddenly Baekhyun’s back hits the back wall, the only real, stable one in the small room, and then Kyungsoo’s lips are on his, hungry and demanding.

Baekhyun kisses him back despite the surprise. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get a chance to kiss Kyungsoo again, so he just pushes his doubts to the back of his head for later, for when Kyungsoo isn’t sucking on Baekhyun’s tongue. Just like last time, it gets messy and too hot too fast, but it’s good, really good. Kyungsoo’s lips are warm, plush and wet against his own, and he kisses like this is what he was born to do. Baekhyun sighs into his mouth and grabs Kyungsoo’s hair with both hands, since he noticed Kyungsoo liked it last time, and tilts his face upwards to get a better angle. Kyungsoo groans, and Baekhyun takes the opportunity to pull back a little.

“I thought you were going to fix my tie,” he whispers, right into Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“Your tie is fine,” says Kyungsoo, voice low and a little raspy. “It’s just that…” he breathes heavily against Baekhyun’s mouth for a few seconds, eyes dark, and then he kisses him again. His hands come up to Baekhyun’s hips, gripping with force and pressing their bodies together, and by the time the kiss ends Baekhyun’s panting hard. Kyungsoo kisses his cheek, his jaw, his neck, and it makes him tremble. “You look really good,” Kyungsoo whispers, his lips brushing Baekhyun’s neck, his warm breath making Baekhyun’s skin tingle.

Baekhyun laughs breathlessly. “Really?” he says. He lets go of Kyungsoo’s hair and roams his hands down over his back, and lower, until he can grab his ass with both hands. He pushes Kyungsoo’s body against his, grinds them together, and it makes both of them moan. “So this is the one, then. I knew my ass looked great in these pants.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, and then he’s claiming Baekhyun’s mouth again, more forcefully this time. “You didn’t call,” he whispers between kisses.

It takes Baekhyun a second to register Kyungsoo’s words. It’s hard to concentrate with a mouth on his neck. “I’m…” he starts, but then Kyungsoo sucks hard on the juncture of his jaw. “Sorry,” he tries again. “I’m sorry.” I won’t do it again, just, please.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo whispers. “I forgive you,” and then he’s sinking down to his knees. Baekhyun’s stomach sinks to his feet and he can feel his heart speeding up. Kyungsoo presses both hands against his hips and presses his nose, his lips where Baekhyun’s starting to get hard. He looks up to Baekhyun, eyes dark. “Is this okay?” he asks softly.

Baekhyun tries to answer, tell him that this is more than okay, but he can’t doesn’t think he can bring himself to speak right know without screaming, so he just nods. Kyungsoo takes it as an invitation to undo his pants and push them down just enough to mouth at Baekhyun’s half hard cock over his underwear. Baekhyun’s can’t hold back the moan that escapes his lips, loud in the silence of the little room. It’s crazy, how this is the second time in a week that Kyungsoo undresses him. Maybe they’re going too fast. But Baekhyun doesn’t want to stop. It feels like they held back forever and then let it all happen at once. He presses a hand against his mouth to try to keep himself quiet and brings the other one to cup the side of Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo looks up to him again, and he doesn’t look away as he licks a line over Baekhyun’s clothed cock. Baekhyun muffles a moan against his palm, and has to close his eyes for a second because the sight of Kyungsoo on his knees in front of him, his pretty lips pressing over his erection, it’s just too much for him. Kyungsoo chooses this moment to slide Baekhyun’s boxer briefs down and take his cock into his mouth.

Baekhyun opens his eyes just in time to see Kyungsoo pulling back and then dragging his tongue on the side of Baekhyun’s cock. Baekhyun’s trembling with how good it feels, and trying hard not to fuck right into Kyungsoo’s warm, wet, inviting mouth. He threads his fingers in Kyungsoo’s hair and pulls. Kyungsoo chokes out a low moan, and then sucks Baekhyun into his mouth again, hollowing his cheeks.

“Kyungsoo,” he whispers when he’s close. Stop, he wants to say. They can’t stain their clothes. He can’t slow down, though, can’t stop, not with how good Kyungsoo’s mouth feels. “Kyungsoo,” he repeats, threading both hands through Kyungsoo’s hair and trying to push him off, but Kyungsoo tightens his hold on Baekhyun’s hips and sucks harder. Baekhyun’s head bangs against the wall, and he’s panting hard, too loud, but he can’t help it.

Kyungsoo looks up to him again. “Come,” he says, almost inaudible, lips brushing against the head of Baekhyun’s cock. And Baekhyun does, just when Kyungsoo takes his cock back into his mouth. Kyungsoo works him through it, drinks him down, and when Baekhyun’s done he gets up and kisses him, filthy and slow. Baekhyun kisses him back with need, taking it all in, his own taste in Kyungsoo’s mouth and Kyungsoo’s little sounds as he grinds on Baekhyun. He’s hard, and Baekhyun wants to touch him so badly, make him fall apart—

“Baekhyun?” It’s Jongdae, sounding like he’s standing right in front of their booth. Baekhyun can see his feet through the gap between the floor and the door. Kyungsoo steps back like Baekhyun’s skin is burning him. “Are you done? I’m ready to go if you are.”

Baekhyun tries to catch his breath, and quickly takes the pants and the jacket off to put on his own clothes. He feels a hickey forming on his neck where Kyungsoo sucked, and he fixes the collar of his shirt, even if he knows it won’t really cover anything. Then, he turns his attention to Kyungsoo. He’s still hard, but there’s nothing they can do about it now. He untucks his shirt and tries to cover the bulge on his pants, and it works, kind of, since most of Kyungsoo’s clothes are a little too big for him. Kyungsoo nods when he’s ready and Baekhyun moves to open the door, but stops to try to fix the mess of Kyungsoo’s hair, but in his nervousness he only makes it worse. Fuck it, he thinks. Jongdae is going to know anyway.

Jongdae is knocking the door when Baekhyun opens it and steps out, the two suits hanging from his arm.

“Oh”, he says when he sees Kyungsoo behind Baekhyun. “There you are. I was wondering if you left.” It takes him a few seconds to understand the situation, but when he does, he makes a disgusted face. “Ew, couldn’t you guys wait until you were home?” he whines.

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything. He turns to look at Kyungsoo, whose face looks incredibly neutral despite the situation. His face is red, though, and it gives his embarrassment away. He just shrugs, and he looks so cute that it makes Baekhyun smile.

“Ugh, whatever,” says Jongdae. “I’m leaving. Thanks for the company.” He starts turning around but he stops mid-way. “I’m never going anywhere with the two of you ever again.”

Baekhyun can’t help but laugh. “Did you at least buy a suit?”

“I’ll come get my measurements taken tomorrow.” He notices the suits hanging from Baekhyun’s arm then. “Are you gonna get one of those?”

Baekhyun looks at the suits, then looks at Kyungsoo. There’s a small, knowing smile on his face. “Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “The grey one.”

*

After that, the awkwardness between him and Kyungsoo disappears. Maybe (just maybe) it has something to do with the fact that they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other for long periods of time.

On week days, Kyungsoo calls Baekhyun after work and Baekhyun picks him up from the school he works at, and he drives them back to Kyungsoo’s apartment. Sometimes, Kyungsoo waits for him when Baekhyun has late night meetings, and once they’re in Baekhyun’s apartment he makes sure to make Baekhyun forget all the stress he’s accumulated through the day.

They’re not dating. They’re still friends, just like they agreed that first time. Sometimes Baekhyun feels something heavy in his chest when he looks at Kyungsoo sleeping next to him, or when he finds him waiting for him after a long day at work. But it’s too intense, too deep, and he doesn’t want to complicate things, not when for the first time in what feel like forever he can have an easy, uncomplicated relationship with Kyungsoo. And Kyungsoo seems okay with how things are. And if Kyungsoo doesn’t have a problem with their relationship, then Baekhyun isn’t going to make a big deal about it.

They need to talk about it. Baekhyun knows they do, but to be fair, they don’t do much talking at all when they’re together. But it stills feels huge, sometimes, because years of build-up led them to where they are now, and Baekhyun can’t forget that even for a second. But he’s having fun, and he knows Kyungsoo is having fun, too, and he… he doesn’t want to ruin things. Not now that he knows how Kyungsoo’s mouth feels against his own, or how pliant and soft Kyungsoo’s body is after a really good orgasm. Not now that he gets to have Kyungsoo in his bed most nights of the week, and his apartment doesn’t feel as cold and empty as it used to.

For Baekhyun’s birthday, Chanyeol takes all of them to his favorite club and pays for the first round of drinks as a present. Baekhyun sits in the middle of the booth, with Jongin clinging to him to his right and Junmyeon to his left, and Kyungsoo is right on the very end of the table. There’s plenty of people between them, but Baekhyun still finds it difficult to keep his hands to himself and not make a scene in front of their friends. He feels a little guilty; all his friends are here, but he only has eyes for Kyungsoo. He wonders if Kyungsoo feels the same way, if alcohol is making him need to touch Baekhyun as much as it’s making Baekhyun need to touch Kyungsoo. Even if Jongdae is aware of what’s going on between them (Chanyeol too, probably, since there isn’t much Kyungsoo doesn’t share with him), Baekhyun knows better than to try anything in front of people that know them. What he and Kyungsoo have belongs inside their bedrooms, and concerns only the two of them.

He gets his answer once they’re back in Baekhyun’s apartment after a rather raunchy cab drive. Kyungsoo undresses him and pushes him back on the bed. “Happy birthday, old man,” he says as he grabs a bottle of lube he must have brought with him because it’s unopened (and the thought of Kyungsoo carrying a bottle of lube on him the entire night is hilarious as much as it is a turn on). He fingers Baekhyun thoughtfully and slow, making him feel every drag of his fingers, until Baekhyun comes with Kyungsoo’s mouth on his cock and his fingers pressing down onto his prostate with intent. Afterwards, after Kyungsoo has spilled over his own hand and Baekhyun’s belly, Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun hold him close and intertwine their legs, because after orgasm Kyungsoo just doesn’t have the energy to put up a fight, and Baekhyun’s always been a cuddler. They fell asleep like that, Kyungsoo rubbing slow circles on Baekhyun’s back. The next morning, they order take out and Kyungsoo sings ‘happy birthday’ for him, his voice a little rough from the night before, but Baekhyun doesn’t mind.

It’s scary, how easy it is to fall into this almost-routine with Kyungsoo. He doesn’t know what they are (“Friends with benefits,” had sayd Jongdae when Baekhyun explained the situation to him, but that just didn’t feel right. It’s always been hard to think about Kyungsoo as a friend), but so far they’ve managed to keep some semblance of balance. Whenever Baekhyun starts feeling like this is bigger than they’re acting it is, that they’re making a big mistake, Kyungsoo’s lips make him forget all his worries. So he just lets it happen, gives himself up for Kyungsoo to take, lets Kyungsoo fill up the empty spaces in his life. He remembers being twenty one and wanting Kyungsoo more than anything. He doesn’t feel like that anymore, but now he gets to sleep with Kyungsoo in his arms almost every night. He doesn’t think too much about what any of it means.

*

June rolls around. They’re walking to Baekhyun’s car after a quickie in the bathroom in Baekhyun’s office (Kyungsoo is making him careless, he thinks), fighting the urge to just start making out in the middle of the street when Baekhyun bumps into someone.

“Sorry,” he’s quick to say. It’ a girl. She’s petit, and really pretty. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, thank you,” she’s going to say something else, probably ask him is he’s okay too, but then her eyes find Kyungsoo. “Kyungsoo?”

“Soojung,” says Kyungsoo, surprised but with a smile on his face. “Hey. How…” he licks his lips and looks at Baekhyun once before turning his attention back to the girl. “I didn’t know you were back. How have you been?”

“Busy. I’m only here for work, I’m leaving in about a week.” The girl, Soojung, smiles. “How about you?”

“I’ve been great,” Kyungsoo says. “You look good,” he adds, only a little awkwardly.

“Thanks, oppa.” She looks back and forth between Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, as if she’s trying to figure something out. “You too.”

“Uh, this is Byun Baekhyun,” says Kyungsoo says, pointing towards Baekhyun. “A friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun-ssi. I’m Jung Soojung” Soojung says, and then takes a quick look at his phone. “I’m sorry, but I’m really short on time.”

“Don’t worry about it,” says Baekhyun. “Kyungsoo and I also have somewhere we need to get to.”

Soojung nods. “It was nice seeing you, oppa,” she says to Kyungsoo.

“You too, Soojung-ah,” Kyungsoo says, and with a smile, Soojung bows, turns around and leaves.

They watch her go, and once she’s far enough Baekhyun turns to Kyungsoo. “Who was that?”

“My ex,” says Kyungsoo, nonchalantly. Baekhyun almost swallows his tongue in surprise.

“Oh,” he says once he gathers himself. “I didn’t know you…”

“Dated women?” Kyungsoo asks, finally looking back at Baekhyun. Baekhyun nods, feeling a little stupid. “I do,” Kyungsoo says. “I guess there’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

For some reason, that’s not a nice thought. Baekhyun, stupidly, had never really thought about how Kyungsoo has had a life separated from him all this time, how he’s probably had a bunch of other relationships, just like Baekhyun has. It’s Baekhyun’s fault, really, for not keeping in touch with Kyungsoo (or Chanyeol, or Jongin, or Junmyeon) these past few years. It makes him wonder what else there is about Kyungsoo that he doesn’t know about. He remembers how pretty Soojung is, and it makes him feel…

“I guess,” Baekhyun says, looking down. “We should fix that.” When he looks up again, Kyungsoo seems amused. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says, as he starts walking again. Baekhyun follows. “I’ll tell you about Soojung, and you can tell me about your exes, if you want to.”

“Why did you guys break up?” Baekhyun asks, because he’s as subtle as a punch to the face.

“Because we’re too much alike,” Kyungsoo explains, voice soft. “She had to leave for America anyway, so it wasn’t that bad.”

Baekhyun just nods, and doesn’t say anything else until they’re inside his car. “Are you…” He grips the steering wheel a little too strongly, and it makes his fingers hurt. “Are you still in love with her?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh.” Baekhyun starts the engine, eyes on the road. He doesn’t know how much he’s allowed to ask, but since Kyungsoo still seems comfortable with Baekhyun’s questions he thinks he can push his luck. “Do you… like anyone at the moment?” He feels juvenile, asking something like that. He starts driving.

Suddenly, the atmosphere feels heavy. Kyungsoo is quiet for a few moments and Baekhyun’s beginning to think he screw up when he finally answers. “What do you think?”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say to that. He turns on the radio, some girl group’s new song filling the silence.

When they get to Kyungsoo’s apartment, they don’t even make it to the bedroom. Kyungsoo fucks his mouth in the middle of the living room, leaning against a wall as he threads his hands on Baekhyun’s hair and pushes his cock into his mouth. Baekhyun lets him, because there’s nothing that turns him on as much as getting Kyungsoo off, and because he likes the drag of Kyungsoo’s cock, the weight of it in his mouth. Kyungsoo comes all over his face, and it makes Baekhyun tremble with desire. Kyungsoo gets him off with a hand on his dick, kisses him through it.

Afterwards, they have dinner while watching some drama on TV, but Baekhyun’s not really paying attention. He’s still thinking about Soojung, about Kyungsoo’s past, about all the things Baekhyun doesn’t know about Kyungsoo’s life. “What do you think?” Kyungsoo had said, and Baekhyun… Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think. It makes him feel like he’s twenty one again, and it’s not a feeling he particularly likes.

He doesn’t stay the night. He excuses himself, says he has work to do, which is not entirely a lie, but it’s also not the whole truth. Kyungsoo just nods, and doesn’t kiss him good-bye before Baekhyun leaves. It’s not a big deal. It isn’t. But it still makes something inside Baekhyun’s chest hurt.

*

The next Friday he gets a call from Jongin while he’s leaving work. Kyungsoo isn’t waiting for him in at the exit, but Baekhyun doesn’t let it get to him.

“Hyung,” he says when Baekhyun’s picks up. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun stops. Frowns. “Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” Jongin sounds insure, like maybe he thinks he made Baekhyun angry. “Jongdae hyung said Kyungsoo hyung has been feeling down, so I figured maybe… never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you’re fine, though.”

“Hold on,” Baekhyun says. “What did Jongdae say about Kyungsoo, exactly?”

Jongin makes a noise, the kind he makes when he’s thinking really hard about something. “He just said… he said he hasn’t been acting like himself. He’s been quieter. You know how he gets when something’s up.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun hasn’t seen Kyungsoo since the day they ran into Soojung. It’s not like he’s been avoiding Kyungsoo, but he hasn’t called him since then, and Kyungsoo hasn’t contacted him, either. They’re not really together, so it’s not like they have to see each other or talk every day, so it’s fine. Or that’s what Baekhyun had thought. “I… I didn’t know. I’ll call him.”

“Hyung… can I ask you something?” Jongin’s voice is tentative. He’s testing the waters, but Baekhyun already knows what he’s thinking.

“We’re not dating, Jongin.”

“Okay,” Jongin says, but Baekhyun’s not sure if he believes him. “I was just making sure. But hyung, I was actually calling to ask you if you were free tonight. Chanyeol hyung has a show tonight, and we’re going.”

“I am free,” he says as he reaches into his pocket for the keys of his car. “Who’s going?”

“Jongdae hyung, Kyungsoo hyung… maybe Sehun, but he’s not sure,” Jongin says. “Are you coming, then?”

Baekhyun considers his options. He hasn’t seen his friends since his birthday, and he can’t remember the last time he was at one of Chanyeol’s shows. And then there’s Kyungsoo. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

“Cool,” Jongin says excitedly, like he’s eighteen and not twenty six. “Don’t bring your car, though. You won’t even be able to start the engine by the time we go home.”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at that. He puts his phone on speaker and he begins to drive. “Is that a promise?”

“Yup,” Jongin says. “I miss you, hyung, so let’s have fun, okay?”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says.

Later that night he meets up with Jongin in front of the Itaewon club Chanyeol’s playing at. Jongin hugs him tight, and when he pulls back Baekhyun gives him an once-over.

“You’re going to make all the boys go crazy tonight,” he teases. Jongin’s clad in a tight black shirt and ripped jeans, his hair styled messy on purpose, and he’ll look absolutely irresistible on the dance floor.

“Stop it,” he says. “Don’t be embarrassing.” They go inside and find Jongdae and Kyungsoo talking by the bar, already with glasses in their hands.

“Hey,” he says. Kyungsoo waves at him, and Baekhyun’s completely unprepared for how good he looks. His hair’s up, showing his forehead, and he’s wearing all black, a leather jacket over his shirt making him look a little broader than he actually is. Baekhyun’s glad he resorted to his teenage antics and put on some eyeliner tonight.

Jongdae clears his throat loudly and only then does Baekhyun realize he’s been staring at Kyungsoo for longer than what’s probably appropriate. He remembers what Jongin said earlier, about Kyungsoo being down, and he makes a mental note to talk to him later. He drags Jongin to get something to drink, and then the four of them get closer to the stage to wait for Chanyeol’s performance.

The opening acts are good. They have to, since Chanyeol’s a pretty big name these days in the underground scene. It always makes Baekhyun a little jealous, how Chanyeol actually managed to make a name for himself as a musician, but he doesn’t regret the choice he made. He came to Seoul to study, get a good job and make money, and that’s what he’s doing. He works at a media agency, and his job requires him to move from a meeting to another, interact with clients a lot, and he likes it. He does. Sometimes he wishes he could had been able to dream about something else, though, but not everyone has their parents’ money to fall back on if everything goes wrong. Jongdae and Kyungsoo are both teachers, but Baekhyun knows they love music just as much as he does, because that’s what brought them together in the first place, so Baekhyun wonders if sometimes they feel like this, too.

They clap loudly and scream when Chanyeol takes the stage, with another man besides him. Chanyeol has his game face on, stands in front of the crowd in the way only experience can teach. “Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol,” he says into the mic, and the crowd goes wild. “This is my friend Junggi. We’ll be playing some new songs for you tonight, so I hope you enjoy!”

The first song is upbeat, to rile up the crowd. Baekhyun likes Chanyeol’s music. It’s fun but raw at the same time, energetic as much as it is honest, even if Baekhyun knows most of his lyrics are not about himself. They dance the entire set, the rest of the crowd as pumped up as they are, and by the time it ends Baekhyun’s sweating. Next to him, Kyungsoo’s flushed, hair a mess, and has a wide smile on his face. This is how Baekhyun likes him the most. He wants to push his hair from his face, but he holds the impulse back.

“Thank you! I love you!” says Chanyeol as he leaves the stage, because he will probably never stop being his cheesy, cringe-worthy self. It makes a couple of girls next to Baekhyun positively swoon, so he figures cheesy and cringe-worthy might be what works for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol reappears after a few minutes with a drink in his hand. Hd wraps Baekhyun into a hug when he sees him.

“Glad you could make it,” he says into Baekhyun’s hair.

“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything,” Baekhyun says as he pulls back. He gets Chanyeol’s biggest smile in return, the one that makes him look a little crazy. He’s glad he came.

After the live show ends, loud dance music starts playing from the big speakers on the walls. The rest of the night goes by in a blur. They drink, they dance, they laugh, and was right: he definitely doesn’t feel like he could drive right now, and the night’s not done yet. At one point Chanyeol gets dragged to the side by a really pretty girl and they dance for about four seconds before the girl’s basically crawling up Chanyeol’s body to kiss him messily, but Chanyeol seems pretty into it. Jongdae whistles loudly and some of the people around them even clap. Jongin’s laughing uncontrollably, but Baekhyun can’t see Kyungsoo anywhere. He turns around and tries to find him in the crowd, but apparently he’s too drunk to walk properly. He bumps into someone, someone tall and that smells really nice.

“Hey, watch it,” the man says. He’s going to shove Baekhyun off, but does a double take, then, and seems to change his mind. “You’re cute. Want to dance?”

The man’s tall, maybe not as tall as Chanyeol but definitely taller than Baekhyun. His hair almost reaches his shoulders, and he’s… weirdly pretty for someone his height. Baekhyun’s drunk, and he wants to dance, and the stranger’s eyes are so inviting, so he doesn’t find reasons why he should say no.

“Sure,” he slurs. The man puts both hands on his waist and brings their bodies closer, and starts moving to the beat. “I’m Baekhyun.”

“Heechul,” the man says. It’s a nice name, Baekhyun decides.

Heechul’s a little stiff, not really the best dancer out there, but he moves with confidence and he doesn’t stop touching Baekhyun. Baekhyun loses track of time. Heechul starts mouthing at his neck and groping his ass, and Baekhyun’s not going to let some random dude get in his pants, he’s really not, no matter how tall and handsome said man is and how nice his hands feel on him, he can’t, not when he has…

Kyungsoo, he remembers suddenly. He stops dancing, and untangles himself from Heechul’s arms. “Sorry,” he says, feeling a lot more sober than a few minutes ago. “I need to find my friends.”

“Seriously?” Heechul says, incredulously, like he can’t believe Baekhyun would rather find his friends than grind on him on the dance floor. “Okay, whatever;” he adds, and then he’s gone, leaving Baekhyun alone in the middle of the crowd.

He tries to find Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, anyone between the mass of bodies moving together. In the end, he runs into Jongin, who’s being chatted up by a pretty boy.

“Oh, hyung,” he says when he sees Baekhyun. “There you are.”

“Where’s Kyungsoo?”

Jongin shrugs. “Last I saw him he was at the bar with Jongdae hyung.”

“Okay, thanks,” Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo is indeed at the bar, but Jongdae’s nowhere to be found. It’s just Kyungsoo sitting alone with a bright blue drink in his hand. All his excitement and energy from earlier seem to be gone now. Maybe he’s just tired, Baekhyun thinks. He reaches up slowly to tap Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, and he sounds drunk. Really, really drunk. Drunker than Baekhyun’s seen him in years, probably. “I don’t know.”

Baekhyun feels his heart clench. He cups the side of Kyungsoo’s face softly. “Do you want to leave?”

Kyungsoo looks at him with glossy eyes and nods. “Take me home?” he asks, and there’s no way Baekhyun can say no to that.

Kyungsoo falls asleep on his shoulder as the cab drives them to his apartment. Baekhyun holds him close and rearranges his head so he doesn’t hurt his neck. He loves watching Kyungsoo sleep. He feels bad when he has to shake him slightly to wake him up when they arrive, but the smile Kyungsoo gives them as he opens his eyes is worth it.

They stay quiet until they reach the bedroom. He leads Kyungsoo to his bed and takes off his shoes for him. He undoes his pants too, and he’s going to help him lay down to sleep when Kyungsoo flips them around, starling Baekhyun so much that he can do anything besides stay still, breathing hard as Kyungsoo puts a knee on either side of Baekhyun’s hips.

“You know,” he says, and he doesn’t sound as drunk anymore. His tone is cold. “If what you wanted tonight was to get fucked, you could have just said so.”

A shiver goes down Baekhyun’s spine, and suddenly he feels hot all over. “Kyungsoo?”

“I saw you with that man” Kyungsoo explains as he undoes the buttons on Baekhyun’s jeans. Baekhyun lifts his hips to help Kyungsoo take his pants and his underwear off, getting rid of his shoes in the process, and then sits up to pull his t-shirt over his head. Kyungsoo pressed him flat onto the bed again and starts kissing his neck, exactly where Heechul had put his mouth earlier.

“I didn’t…” Baekhyun starts, and then moans as Kyungsoo bites him, hard. “I wasn’t going to…”

Kyungsoo sits up again, ass on Baekhyun’s crotch. Baekhyun is so hard. “Good,” Kyungsoo says, and then he leaves Baekhyun’s lap and manhandles him until he’s on his hands and knees, completely exposed for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo runs a hand up his inner thigh, slowly, and then Baekhyun can hear the zipper of his pants going down. Baekhyun shivers again, from his head to his toes. Even if Baekhyun can’t see him, everything about Kyungsoo is overwhelming, overpowering right now.

As Kyungsoo fingers him relentless, making him feel the stretch every time he slides his fingers in and out, Baekhyun thinks that maybe Kyungsoo is right. He doesn’t want, doesn’t need anything (anyone, his mind supplies, but he drowns out that thought for later) else right know but this, Kyungsoo’s touch, his warm breath on Baekhyun’s neck, his other hand on his hip, keeping him steady.

Kyungsoo fucks him, hard and fast, with deep thrusts that make Baekhyun moan against the pillows every time he slams back in. Baekhyun didn’t know he had been craving this that badly, but he was. He’s needy for it, and Kyungsoo indulges him, goes faster and harder when Baekhyun asks him to.

At one point, Kyungsoo pushes him back up with a hand on Baekhyun’s middle, pressing his back to Kyungsoo’s chest. The change of position makes Baekhyun moan loudly. The undone zipper of Kyungsoo’s jeans, which he still has on, drags against Baekhyun’s skin with every movement of Kyungsoo’s hips, and it hurts a little, but Baekhyun likes it. “Don’t let anyone else see you like this,” Kyungsoo whispers, voice hoarse in Baekhyun’s ear. “Don’t show this side of yourself to anyone else.”

Baekhyun nods, a little desperately. “I won’t,” he promises in between moans, and he means it. He doesn’t want anyone else, just Kyungsoo.

He comes the moment Kyungsoo wraps a hand around his cock. Kyungsoo fucks him through it. He feels like he comes for forever, and once he’s done he collapses in the bed, with tears in the corner of his eyes. Kyungsoo pulls out and it doesn’t take long until Baekhyun feels him coming on his thighs, his ass, his lower back. Kyungsoo lays down next to him and pulls him into his arms. Baekhyun’s still trying to catch his breath, and he lets Kyungsoo caress his back as he comes down from his orgasm. He’s still not used to how touchy Kyungsoo is after getting off, but he loves it, takes advantage of it as much as he can, wraps his arms around Kyungsoo and rests his head against his chest. He falls asleep to the motions of Kyungsoo’s fingers sliding against his skin.

When he wakes up the next morning Kyungsoo’s arms aren’t around him anymore. Baekhyun doesn’t see his clothes on the floor as he looks around for his own, either. He feels a little panicky, and if this is what Kyungsoo felt that first time when he didn’t find Baekhyun on his bed, then Baekhyun understand why he looked so relieved when he saw Baekhyun was still there. He looks in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom. But he’s all alone in Kyungsoo’s apartment. He waits for thirty minutes, an hour, but Kyungsoo doesn’t come back. He considers calling him, but if he wanted to get away that badly then Baekhyun figures it’s better if he doesn’t. So he leaves, feeling tired and alone and more confused than ever. He can still feel the marks Kyungsoo left on him last night. He wonders, briefly, if maybe this was the last time, if maybe the hickies on his neck are the last reminders Kyungsoo left for him.

*

It’s not the last time. The next time they see each other they act as if nothing happened. Kyungsoo’s waiting for him when Baekhyun leaves his office, and Baekhyun drives him to his apartment. Kyungsoo talks to him about anything and everything, asks him about his day and about work, but doesn’t mention what happened. Baekhyun just goes with it. He doesn’t know why they’re avoiding the subject, doesn’t know if it’s because of what Kyungsoo said or because he left, or both. He stills remembers Kyungsoo’s words clearly, and thinking about them makes him feel hot and cold and utterly confused at the same time. Still, he doesn’t know how much he can push Kyungsoo, or if what happened really should matter this much.

So they don’t talk about it. Instead, Kyungsoo presses kisses all over Baekhyun’s body as little apologies, and Baekhyun lets him, because he doesn’t think he will ever be able to deny Kyungsoo anything.

Baekhyun doesn’t know how long they can keep this up.

*

He goes out for drinks with Jongdae on Wednesday. They go to a quiet, cheap bar they used to go to when they were still students. This time, he doesn’t tell Jongdae anything about what happened with Kyungsoo. It’s easier this way.

It’s Jongdae the one that talks, this time. “You remember Yungson?” He asks, with a huge grin on his face. Baekhyun knows he liked her for a long time before they started dating. He nods, and Jongdae continues. “I asked her to come to the wedding with me.”

“Congrats,” he says, clinking his class to Jongdae’s. “That… sounds official.”

“Doesn’t it?” Jongdae says, still smiling. Baekhyun’s happy for him. “I had to ask Junmyeon if it was okay, since I had already confirmed I was going alone, but he… he sounded even happier about it than me. Are you taking anyone?”

“Nope,” says Baekhyun. He just hadn’t know who to ask. He thought about taking one of his coworkers, someone nice and that wouldn’t read too much into it, like Seulgi, but it hadn’t felt right. “I was just going to cling to you the entire night, but I guess I have to change my plans now.”

“Yeah, you better,” says Jongdae, and Baekhyun can tell he’s being serious despite his light tone. “She doesn’t need to hear any embarrassing stories. I want you guys to meet her, but you have to behave.” He pauses then, looks down at his half empty glass. “I really, really like her.”

Baekhyun smiles. “You sound serious about her.” Baekhyun doesn’t think he knows what it feels like, being so sure about something.

“I am,” Jongdae says, and then he takes a look at his watch. “Sorry, Baekhyun. I have some exams to grade.”

Baekhyun stays for a while after Jongdae leaves. He should probably go home, too. But he doesn’t want to be alone right now, and even if the comfort of the conversations around him isn’t much it’s still better than his empty, quiet apartment. He thinks about Jongdae and his girlfriend, Junmyeon and his future husband. How cold his bed feels when there’s no one sleeping next to him. When Kyungsoo isn’t sleeping next to him.

As he orders another drink, he takes his phone out and opens his recent calls. His fingers linger on Kyungsoo’s name, but he doesn’t call. Instead, he goes home way too late and way too drunk, just enough that he falls asleep the second his head touches his pillow. The wedding is in three weeks.

*

The next week goes by in a blur. He doesn’t get to see Kyungsoo much, since he’s busy helping Junmyeon stay sane handling all the last minute details. Baekhyun isn’t jealous, he really isn’t. He just misses having Kyungsoo a phone call away, that’s all

He stops at a convenience store after a long Friday at work. He ran out of coffee this morning, and he’s been too busy with work to really care about having food on his fridge. He studies the back of a package of instant ramen, and when he raises his head he meets a pair of big, round eyes.

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo greets. He’s holding a box of the same brand of instant ramen Baekhyun has in his hands, but on a different flavor.

“Don’t buy it,” Baekhyun says, flashing Kyungsoo a smile he hopes doesn’t look too forced. He puts the ramen back on the shelf. “Too much sodium. It’ll make your face look weird.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, and puts the ramen on his basket anyway. He has the beginning of a smile on the corners of his mouth, though, so Baekhyun knows he’s just playing along. “Got any plans for tonight?” Kyungsoo asks, pointing at Baekhyun’s basket, where he only has coffee, eggs, beer and a bucket of ice cream.

“Ah, well,” Baekhyun starts, but changes his mind midway. He gets closer to Kyungsoo, tipping his head to the side. “Actually, I don’t. I’ll just be at home, you know. Another lonely night without anyone to keep me company…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t seem too impressed. “That sounds really sad. If I were you, I’d consider getting a pet.”

“You’re not fun.” Baekhyun pouts. “Come stay with me.” He tries to sound as casual as he possibly can. Lately, things with Kyungsoo have been… not exactly awkward, but still weird, somehow. Since that night after Chanyeol’s show. Still, Baekhyun wants too much, and he’s never been good at denying himself what he wants.

Kyungsoo’s face is impossible to read, but then, slowly, his lips begin to curve up in a playful smile. “Well, I don’t know, maybe I already have plans for tonight…”

Baekhyun pretends to be offended. “What could possibly be more fun than spending time with me? And we can order something nice so you won’t have to eat that nasty stuff,” he points to the ramen in Kyungsoo’s basket.

“Well,” Kyungsoo pretends to think about it some more, but Baekhyun knows he’s already made his mind. “If it’s your treat…”

After that, it doesn’t take them long to pay for their stuff and get into Baekhyun’s car. They stop to get jajangmyeon, because Kyungsoo says he’s craving something sweet. He holds the package with the servings to his chest the entire ride to Baekhyun’s apartment, and it makes him look young. His bangs are down, today, because it’s Saturday and he only bothers with styling his hair on weekdays, for work. Right now, he looks just like he did seven years ago, and it’s so endearing Baekhyun can’t help but brush Kyungsoo’s bangs out of his face when he stops at a red light.

Kyungsoo just looks at him, squinting a little, and Baekhyun bets he’s probably not wearing his contacts right now. “Stop that,” he says. Baekhyun pulls his hand back and puts it back on the steering wheel as the light changes to green.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun says, flashing Kyungsoo his most charming smile. “You’re really cute. I couldn’t help myself.”

The corners of Kyungsoo’s mouth go up and down, like they do when he’s trying to hold back a smile, or a laugh. “Eyes on the road, Byun,” he says, but before Baekhyun turns to the front to do just that, he gets a glimpse of the red on the tip of Kyungsoo’s ears.

As they go up in the elevator Baekhyun remembers that first time, months ago now, when Kyungsoo told him he was going to be Junmyeon’s best man while they went up to Kyungsoo’s apartment. A lot has changed since then, and this time when he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes on the mirror on the back wall, he smiles, and Kyungsoo smiles back.

Kyungsoo enters Baekhyun’s apartment as if were his own, settles down the jajangmyeon on the small table in the living room and sits down in one of the cushions. Baekhyun takes his bags from the convenience store to the kitchen, takes the bottles of beer out and then joins Kyungsoo at the table. They eat in comfortable silence for a while, and Baekhyun likes this. It isn’t something they do a lot, just spending time together. Even when they were younger, even though they liked each other enough to spend time together without Chanyeol or Jongin’s company, it still wasn’t something they did, usually. And recently, when they’re together they don’t really do much besides…

Baekhyun clears his throat and takes a sip from his beer. Kyungsoo looks at him with curious, amused eyes. Baekhyun decides to take the chance and ask Kyungsoo something he’s been saving for a moment like this, a moment where things seemed calm. “Remember what you said the other day?” Kyungsoo shakes his head. “When we ran into Soojung,” Baekhyun explains.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. “Yes. That I’d tell you about her? About my exes?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun says. “Tell me about them?”

So Kyungsoo does. He skips the parts Baekhyun already knows, doesn’t tell Baekhyun about the girlfriend he had in high school, or the couple of nameless boys he dated in college, after Junmyeon left.

“There’s only been one more person besides Soojung” he tells Baekhyun. Baekhyun likes listening to Kyungsoo’s voice. “His name is Insung. He’s… older.” Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at that, but Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to notice. “I met him right after graduating. I was working at a hagwon then. I…” He pauses, takes a second to gather his thoughts. “I don’t remember how we met, actually. But I really liked him. I think he really liked me, too.”

“Why did you break things off?”

“I guess we… we wanted different things from life at the time. It was amicable,” he adds. “We still meet up sometimes. He’s a good friend.”

Baekhyun knows that for Kyungsoo opening up and talking about this kind of things isn’t easy, so in return, he tells Kyungsoo about himself. As it gets dark out, he tells Kyungsoo about the… thing he had with Jongin years ago (“Really? How is that I didn’t know about that?”), just around the time Kyungsoo was too busy ogling at Junmyeon (he doesn’t tell Kyungsoo that last part). As he gets progressively tipsier, he tells Kyungsoo about how none of the few serious relationships he’s had over the years have meant anything on the long run, and how the last one he had was a little over a year ago. Kyungsoo listens to him carefully, not saying much but taking in each of Baekhyun’s words. So Baekhyun keeps talking. He talks about living alone, about work. Talks about feeling a little lonely sometimes, even if he’s not technically alone. Kyungsoo nods at that, like maybe he knows exactly what Baekhyun’s talking about. Baekhyun really hopes Kyungsoo has never felt as utterly lonely as he has at some points in his life.

After he’s done, neither of them say anything for a while. Kyungsoo gets up and takes their empty bottle of beer and the dirty dishes to the kitchen. There’s a question pressing on the back of Baekhyun’s lips, something that’s been eating him alive for years and that it’s always somehow on the back of his mind, that sometimes comes back to haunt him at night when he lets his mind wander. He feels like if he doesn’t ask now, he’ll never get a chance to do it again.

He looks down at his hands, so he doesn’t have to see Kyungsoo react. “Did…” He clears his throat, starts again. His heart is beating so fast. “Did you and Junmyeon ever…?”

He hears Kyungsoo put down whatever he was holding, and then he replies, slowly and enunciating every word carefully. “No.” Baekhyun’s heart beats like it’s trying to jump from his chest. “Did you think we did?”

Yes, Baekhyun wants to say. How could I not?. “You seemed really close,” is what he says instead.

“We were,” Kyungsoo says. “We are.” Baekhyun looks up and finds Kyungsoo staring right at him, and he can’t look away. There’s always been something about Kyungsoo’s eyes, something a little overpowering. Right now it’s no different. “Just not like that,” Kyungsoo adds, voice soft.

“Okay,” says Baekhyun. He’s not sure if he believes him, but he’ll take his answer over nothing.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything else. He walks from behind the countertop and goes back to his place on the floor next to Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks at him, really looks at him. His cheeks are pink, maybe from the beer, maybe from the open window letting the chilly noon breeze inside. In any case, this will always be how Baekhyun likes him the most. He wants to put his hands on his cheeks and kiss him senseless, and he doesn’t find a good reason to hold himself back, so he does. He kisses him slowly, thoughtfully. Kyungsoo sighs into the kiss and opens his mouth for Baekhyun. His cheeks feel hot under Baekhyun’s hands.

Kyungsoo puts both arms behind his neck and pulls him closer, and then down, until Kyungsoo is on his back on the floor with Baekhyun over him, hips between Kyungsoo’s open legs. They kiss, again and again. Baekhyun caresses the inside of Kyungsoo’s mouth with his tongue, bites his lips softly and then sucks on the skin. Kyungsoo has never been this responsive, this open with his reactions. He shivers and moans, cants his hips up to meet Baekhyun’s, and it’s intoxicating, addicting, makes Baekhyun feel hot all over.

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says between kisses, so softly it makes Baekhyun’s breath catch in his throat. “Bed.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes and his reddened lips are so inviting, and his body is so warm beneath Baekhyun’s, and Baekhyun is so tired. He doesn’t fight it.

Once they’re in Baekhyun’ bed, though, they slow down. Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun undress him, and then with Kyungsoo’s help they take Baekhyun’s shirt and his pants off. They kiss again, but it’s softer this time, without any rush. Just in his underwear, Baekhyun gets under the covers besides Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo puts both arms around him and tangles their legs together. It’s not the most comfortable position, but Baekhyun likes it nonetheless, likes the feeling of so much of Kyungsoo’s skin being in contact with his, so he makes the best of it. In the end, it doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to fall asleep, lulled by Kyungsoo’s soft breathing.

In the morning, as Baekhyun opens his eyes and is greeted by the sight of a sleeping Kyungsoo, hair a mess and pretty mouth open as he snores quietly, he realizes this is the first time they’ve slept in the same bed without having had sex first. It shouldn’t feel as big as it does, Baekhyun thinks, but it feels important for some reason. Not entirely in a good way. He and Kyungsoo just never seem to get it right, being friends.

When Kyungsoo wakes up, the first thing he does is lean up and kiss Baekhyun. They haven’t brushed their teeth, but Baekhyun doesn’t care. He kisses back, slowly, carefully, because there’s something about Kyungsoo like this, still sleepy and red eyed, that makes Baekhyun want to take care of him. The sun goes up as Baekhyun presses Kyungsoo onto his back, taking his time to touch and kiss every bit of exposed skin. Kyungsoo opens his legs, and Baekhyun settles between them.

“Like this,” Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun nods and kisses him again, then searches single-handedly for the bottle of lube he knows Kyungsoo keeps under the pillows.

He opens up Kyungsoo slowly, fucks him with his fingers with a single-minded purpose. Kyungsoo trembles beneath him. He doesn’t ask for more, but his little gasps and the pink in his skin tell Baekhyun everything he needs to know. He just wants to make Kyungsoo feel good.

A little later, Kyungsoo’s legs are around Baekhyun’s waist, and Baekhyun’s fucking him without any rush, like they have all the time in the world. Kyungsoo’s body is tight and hot, and his face is flushed, mouth open and eyes closed. Baekhyun’s not prepared for the way in which Kyungsoo falls apart, fucking crumbles under his touch. He drinks it all in, his moans and the quiver of his thighs, and holds his legs up for him when he can’t keep them locked around Baekhyun anymore.

“Baekhyun,” gasps Kyungsoo as Baekhyun speeds up. His cheeks are so red, his eyes closed so tight, his pretty mouth open and his lips wet, and Baekhyun can’t resist that sight. He bends down and kisses him with all he’s got, and Kyungsoo whimpers into the kiss. “Baekhyun,” he repeats as they break apart, voice high and full of need.

Baekhyun wants to give Kyungsoo what he wants, what he needs. “I got you,” he says, and takes Kyungsoo’s cock in his hand.

When Kyungsoo comes, something in Baekhyun’s chest explodes. He fucks Kyungsoo through it in time with the rhythm of his hand on his cock, until Kyungsoo pushes his hand away. Kyungsoo gets him off with his mouth, and Baekhyun holds his face, pushes his sweaty bangs away from his forehead.

As usual, afterwards Kyungsoo presses their bodies together and puts his head on Baekhyun’s chest. Baekhyun puts an arm around his waist, and for a while the only sound in the room is their breathing. Baekhyun could fall asleep again like this. It’s Sunday, and there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. He remembers, suddenly, how the wedding is next week, and it wakes him up. His mind goes back to what Kyungsoo said the night before. There’s still something Baekhyun wants to know, a doubt he’s been carrying for years as if were a verdict, and just like last night, he figures if he doesn’t take the chance now he’ll probably never get an answer.

Seven years is a long time, after all. He takes a deep breathe. “Kyungsoo.”

“Hm?” Kyungsoo hums back in response. Baekhyun can’t see his face like this, but he sounds sleepy. He probably has his eyes closed.

“Do you… did you ever have feelings for him?” Baekhyun asks before he can change his mind. “For Junmyeon?”

Kyungsoo pulls back from Baekhyun’s embrace, and props himself up with one arm supporting his weight so he’s half hovering over Baekhyun. “You’re still thinking about that?” he says. Baekhyun nods, and Kyungsoo sighs. “I did,” he says. Baekhyun lets out the air he was holding in all at once. “But I don’t anymore. It was only a crush.”

Baekhyun licks his lips. He tries hard to put his thoughts in order, make some sense out of all the things he’s feeling right now. He remembers how things were, back then. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon, always together, Kyungsoo always with a smile on his face when he was with Junmyeon, and Junmyeon blissfully ignorant, or at least pretending he didn’t know. He remembers how Kyungsoo had cried the day Junmyeon left, one of the few times Baekhyun has ever seen him cry, and how Junmyeon had taken Kyungsoo into his arms that night months ago at the club, how tightly Kyungsoo had hugged him back. “It looked like more than a crush,” is what Baekhyun says in the end.

“Maybe it was,” Kyungsoo says, but shakes his head afterwards. “It doesn’t matter. He’s getting married, and I don’t feel that way about him anymore.” He sits up against the headboard, and Baekhyun copies him. “I thought it was obvious,” adds Kyungsoo.

“What do you mean?” asks Baekhyun, not meeting Kyungsoo’s eye.

“I thought…” Kyungsoo says. “I thought I made it pretty clear.”

Baekhyun feels lost. He feels like they’re entering uncharted territory, and it scares him. When he doesn’t say anything, Kyungsoo puts a hand on his shoulder. “Baekhyun?” There’s a note of worry in his voice, and it makes Baekhyun finally lift his head and meet Kyungsoo’s gaze. “You know I care about you, right?”

Baekhyun’s heart speeds up. “As friends,” is Baekhyun’s automatic response, because that’s what he’s been telling himself since this whole thing between them started. He regrets it the second he lets out the words, because Kyungsoo’s entire face crumbles. He looks hurt, and Baekhyun hates that he put that expression on his face.

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “Not like friends. I don’t kiss my friends like I kiss you. I don’t fuck my friends like I fuck you. Friends don’t…” he stops, looks down, runs a hand through his hair. “We’re not kids anymore. I thought that we….”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Baekhyun,” he says, and he turns to face Baekhyun. “Remember what you said, the first time?” Baekhyun remembers, but doesn’t nod, doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything. So Kyungsoo continues. “You said we we’re still friends, that that was what you wanted.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are so honest right now, and Baekhyun can’t keep looking at him. Kyungsoo cups the side of his neck, so tenderly that it makes Baekhyun look up again. “I don’t want to be your friend,” Kyungsoo says. “So. What do you want?”

“I…” Baekhyun starts, but nothing else comes out. There’s so much he wants to say, but he can’t put his thoughts in order. He wants. He wants so, so much, and it’s terrifying.

A few seconds pass. Kyungsoo is giving him a choice, just like he did that first time. Baekhyun had never realized how much Kyungsoo was willing to risk because of him. He knows he doesn’t deserve it.

Kyungsoo seems to take his silence for an answer, and he shakes his head. “You know what, never mind.” He pulls the covers back and gets out of the bed. “Forget it. I guess I was wrong again.” He takes his underwear from somewhere on the bed, puts it on and then picks up his black t-shirt from the floor. He hesitates for a second, then, and looks at Baekhyun again, a last plea. “Or wasn’t I?”

Baekhyun wants to say he’s sorry, that he’s confused, that he’s fucking terrified, because you can only get your heart broken so many times before you lose hope. More than anything, he wants to say, seven years is a long time, or, being in love with you hurt too much. But in the end he doesn’t say anything, and Kyungsoo nods and puts on his t-shirt.

“Fine,” he says as he puts on his jeans. “Okay.” He takes his shoes and walks to the door. He hesitates again, and he turns back to Baekhyun. His face is blank, that unreadable expression that Baekhyun knows is his defense mechanism. But right now, hair messy (because of Baekhyun’s hands), cheeks pink and lips swollen (because of Baekhyun’s mouth), he looks vulnerable. Baekhyun doesn’t know how to fix this. “I just can’t keep doing this if it doesn’t mean anything for you,” Kyungsoo says. For a second, he looks like he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t. And then he’s gone.

Baekhyun listens to him walk through the aisle, and then hears the front door opening and then closing, loudly.

He lets his weight rest against the headboard and fists his sheets with both hands. It’s still warm where Kyungsoo’s body was. “Fuck,” he says to his empty room.

*

The next morning, Baekhyun wakes up, goes to work, goes back home, sleeps. And repeats the next day. There’s nothing else he can do, and at least work keeps him busy for a few hours, doesn’t let him dwell too much on how torn up he feels inside.

He should had seen it coming. He knew things weren’t perfect, he could sense how they were walking on eggshells all the time when he and Kyungsoo were together, how from the start it felt like just a few words could change everything, just like that first kiss changed them forever. He doesn’t know what Kyungsoo expected from him. How was Baekhyun supposed to know what he wanted? He knows better than to get his hopes up. He learned it the hard way, and Kyungsoo had been the one to teach him.

They’re over. It’s not like he owns Kyungsoo anything, because they were never anything in the first place. Maybe they’re too old for this, he thinks. Or maybe, with all their history, trying to stay friends was never meant to be an option, especially staying friends that also gave each other orgasms on the regular. But it’s over now, and the only thing Baekhyun can do is go on with his life. He misses Kyungsoo, of course he does, misses his touch and his kisses as much as he misses his friendship, but he spent the last seven years teaching his heart how to live without him, so he’s fine. Or he will be, eventually, because that’s how he is.

So he lives. He works, buys groceries, cleans his apartment. He goes out for drinks with his coworkers one day after work. He thinks some of them have noticed he hasn’t been as loud as usual, but none of them ask him if he’s okay. He’s build friendly but distant relationships with most of them, but that’s just how he is with everyone. He’s always had a lot of friends, but he doesn’t let many people get really close to him. In some ways, he either gives everything or nothing at all. There have been very few people in between, Kyungsoo being the most recent examples, and he doesn’t think he knows how to handle that type of relationship well. Someone always ends up getting hurt.

He drinks more than he’s probably meant to, and laughs loudly at everyone’s jokes, but he doesn’t feel his usual easiness to make people laugh himself. If anyone notices, no one says anything. Only Seulgi approaches him near the end of the night. She touches his arm to get his attention and asks him if everything’s okay. She looks way younger now than she usually does in the office, with her long hair down and pinch of red in her cheeks. She’s Jongin’s age, but Baekhyun always forgets. He just smiles at her and hopes it looks genuine. “Don’t worry about me,” he says, and she doesn’t look satisfied with his answer, not in the slightest, but she nods and doesn’t ask any more questions. She’s really pretty, and nice, and can make really ridiculous jokes when she’s drunk, as Baekhyun has learned tonight, and it doesn’t take much to imagine himself with her, picture what kissing her would be like, right then and there in the mellow darkness of the bar. Maybe he could fall in love with her. But the idea of being with anyone right now leaves him feeling uncomfortable. It would feel wrong, because there’s still someone else in his head, in his heart.

He ends up needing help to catch a cab go home, and he hopes he doesn’t become a joke to the rest of the office after this. As he sobers up, he can’t help but think about the times he and Kyungsoo went home together, both too drunk to drive. He remembers Kyungsoo’s soft lips on his neck, his hand pressing just above Baekhyun’s groin, with Baekhyun trying really hard to not make too much noise to not bother the driver. As he lays down on his bed when he gets to his apartment, he thinks about all the times Kyungsoo pushed him into the mattress, kissing him fiercely. He thinks about Kyungsoo’s plaint body in his sheets, and waking up to his smile in the mornings.

At twenty one, Baekhyun looked at Kyungsoo and he saw something he wanted to keep for himself, but was always out of reach. At twenty eight, Baekhyun had looked at Kyungsoo sleeping on his bed and he hadn’t know how to feel. Seven years is a long time, and Baekhyun’s not the person he was seven years ago. Kyungsoo has changed too, but what hasn’t changed is the way Kyungsoo can make him feel, reckless and out of control. And it’s not fair, how even after all this time Kyungsoo still has so much power over him. Baekhyun just wants… he wanted closure, goodbye, so he could move on and fall in love with someone else. The last thing he wanted was to make things even more complicated, and look where that took him.

I don’t want to be your friend, Kyungsoo had said. Don’t let anyone else see you like this,” , and Baekhyun had said yes. He sighs into his pillow. He should have probably seen this coming, but he hadn’t. He had been too busy trying to keep his own feelings under control to really think about what Kyungsoo must have been feeling. But Kyungsoo’s at fault, too. He’s never been good at words, this much Baekhyun knows, but he doesn’t need to be to make his intentions clear, to say what he really wants. But Kyungsoo’s right; they’re not kids anymore. They can’t play with fire and pretend they’re not going to burn themselves in the end. It was going to end this way sooner or later. He knows that, and he knows that not seeing Kyungsoo is for the best, but he can’t stop thinking about him. Can’t stop feeling lonely when he isn’t around. It makes him feel cold under the covers of his bed, right at the beginning of June. With a bit of luck, maybe by next June he won’t feel like this anymore.

(But that’s unlikely.)

*

He gets a call while he’s at the office. He doesn’t recognize the number, but he picks up anyway. He figures it must be something work-related.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Baekhyun?” It’s Junmyeon’s voice. Baekhyun stomach does a turn. “It’s Junmyeon. Sorry if I’m bothering you.”

“You’re not,” Baekhyun says. “Hi, hyung. Aren’t you busy getting ready for your big day? Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Junmyeon says. “Everything’s fine.” His tone is polite but serious. This is his authoritative voice, the one he uses when he’s pissed off. “I wanted to know if you’re free today. I’d like to talk to you, in person, if you aren’t busy.”

Baekhyun presses his lips in a line. If there’s something he wasn’t expecting in any way, it was this. “I’ll be free by 6, I think,” he says. He licks his lips. “Is this about Kyungsoo?” he asks, because he never learned to bite his tongue.

Junmyeon replies after a pause. “Yes,” he says, and Baekhyun knows there’s no way he can get away from this.

They meet up in a coffee shop few blocks away from where Baekhyun works. Junmyeon greets him a genuine smile and a hug, and pays for their order, and it only makes Baekhyun feel worse.

“So,” Junmyeon says once they take a table, both of them with sweet drinks in front of them. “How’s work? Have you been busy?” Junmyeon takes a careful sip from his drink. “You didn’t meet Junghwan.”

Right. Jongdae had invited him to go out with Junmyeon’s fiancé and the others, but he knew Kyungsoo has going to be there, so he didn’t go.

“Yeah, sorry” Baekhyun’s tense. He’s usually better at talking than this. “I’ve been busy. I’m sure you’ve been a lot busier, though.”

Junmyeon smiles at that. “Probably,” he says. “There’s still a lot to do. Even more now that my best man’s so distracted.”

Instead of replying, Baekhyun takes a long sip from his coffee. He wasn’t expecting Junmyeon to be so straight-forward. Junmyeon takes his silence as a sign to continue. “Baekhyun-ah,” he says. “I don’t know the full story of what happened between you two, only what Kyungsoo told me.” He looks down at his drink, and his mouth makes a tiny pout. “I’m not good at giving advice, but there’s something I’d like to tell you, it that’s okay.”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Baekhyun says. “I can take it.”

Junmyeon nods. “Okay. I don’t know if you remember, but when I first told you guys about Junghwan, I said we had dated for two years before he proposed.” Baekhyun remembers, so he nods. “That’s not the whole story.”

“How so?”

“Well,” Junmyeon seems unsure, as if he doesn’t know how to say what comes next. “Me and Junghwan… we were like you and Kyungsoo, at the beginning.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun raises both eyebrows. “What do you mean, like us?”

“Special friends,” Junmyeon says, and Baekhyun gives him a look at his choice of words. “Friends with benefits,” Junmyeon clarifies. “He was one of the few other Koreans I knew, and of course we bonded over that. And then… well, things escalated.” Baekhyun gives him another look, but this time Junmyeon doesn’t seem to notice, too lost on his own thoughts. “I didn’t realize I was in love with him at first. I pinned for months without knowing, actually.”

Baekhyun frowns. “I’m not in love with Kyungsoo,” he says, and he’s not sure if he’s trying to convince Junmyeon or himself more. Junmyeon notices, of course, because he’s perfectly oblivious most of the time but not so much when it’s convenient.

“I’m not here to tell you what to do,” he says. He raises his head and looks at Baekhyun right in the eye. “Like I said, I don’t know your history with Kyungsoo. I just know Kyungsoo hasn’t been himself for a while now, and I’m worried.”

“Then why aren’t you talking to him?” Baekhyun says, and it comes out far more resentful that he had intended. He just doesn’t want someone else besides his own head to tell him this is all his fault.

“I did,” Junmyeon says. “Of course I did. But you know how he is. He’s never been good with words.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. Tell me about it.

Junmyeon pouts again. “Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but he really wants to see you. He misses you.”

“Did he tell you that?” Baekhyun asks, thinking about his conversation with Jongdae months ago. It pisses him off, how other people think they can just speak for Kyungsoo (and how Kyungsoo seems to talk about is feelings to everyone expect to Baekhyun).

“Actually,” Junmyeon says. “He did.” He takes a sip from his coffee. “He didn’t put it that way, exactly, but the message came across regardless.”

“Then why can’t he come and said that to me instead of sending you?”

“He didn’t send me,” Junmyeon says, like he’s talking to a child. “I’m here because I’m worried about him. I don’t want my best friend to be sad on my wedding day. And Baekhyun-ah,” he reaches across the table and takes one of Baekhyun’s hands between his. “I’m worried about you, too. I just want what’s best for both of you.”

Baekhyun’s angry. He doesn’t pull away from Junmyeon’s hands, but he feels the irritation and frustration in his bones. “You don’t know how things have been like between us,” he says. There is no way Junmyeon knows, there’s no way he can even begin to understand. He and Kyungsoo go way back, and Baekhyun doubts Kyungsoo told him his entire side of the story. “Thanks for your concern, hyung, but this is something that only concerns me and Kyungsoo.”

Junmyeon just nods. “I understand. And I respect that, Baekhyun, I really do. I’m not trying to get in the way.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, a little too forcefully. “Then don’t.”

“He really cares about you,” Junmyeon says. It feels like a punch in the gut. “And I know you care about him. I don’t want to see either of you hurting because of this anymore.”

“It’s not that simple” Baekhyun says, because it isn’t, but he doesn’t expect Junmyeon to understand.

“Really?” says Junmyeon. “How can you be so sure about that?”

Baekhyun wants to roll his eyes. “Because…” he starts, and there’s a hundred things he wants to say, a hundred reasons why he and Kyungsoo are everything except simple, but he can’t put his thoughts in order.

Junmyeon seems to take his silence as an answer. “I know what that feels like. But Baekhyun,” he holds Baekhyun’s tighter. “For me and Junghwan, in the end, all we had to do was tell each other how we felt. Afterwards, I couldn’t believe it had taken us so long.”

He takes in Junmyeon’s words. Maybe… maybe he’s right. But what would Baekhyun say to Kyungsoo? I was in love with you seven years ago and I think I might still be, but it’s complicated, or, I love you, but loving you hurt me terribly before, so I don’t know what to do with it now? He doesn’t know how to explain it to Junmyeon, especially since he was the catalyst of all of this.

Baekhyun doesn’t know how to deal with this. “I’m sorry,” he says as he stands up. “I have to go.” It’s a terrible lie, but he doesn’t care.

“It’s okay,” Junmyeon says. “I’ll see you at the wedding, right?”

“Of course,” Baekhyun says. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” he adds, and he means it.

Junmyeon smiles, wide and honest. Baekhyun wants to say he’s sorry. He hates making Junmyeon worry, because that’s the last thing he needs right now. But he doesn’t say anything. He flees, like the coward he is. But Junmyeon’s words stay with him. All we had to do was tell each other how we felt. He wishes things were that easy for him and Kyungsoo.

That night, as he lays awake on his bed, he wonders if maybe, just maybe, they could be. The idea sparks something like fire in Baekhyun’s veins.

*

The wedding is beautiful. The location is outside the city, and it takes Baekhyun far longer to get there than it should had if his GPS hadn’t fucked up repeatedly, but he makes it on time.

“Finally,” says Jongdae when he sees him. His suit fits him distressingly well. Going through all that trouble had been worth it, in the end. He’s holding hands with a beautiful girl, who looks a little taller than him with the huge heels she’s wearing, but neither of them seem to mind. “Where were you? This thing is about to start!”

As they make their way to were the ceremony will take place and find somewhere to sit, the girl introduces herself as Yungson. She’s incredibly charming, and Baekhyun can see why Jongdae’s so smitten with her.

The wedding is outside, and there are big white and gold tents, and flowers everywhere. It looks like something out of a fairytale, and now Baekhyun understands why Junmyeon had to come back to Korea so early to start with the preparations. The amount of people here is incredible. All their friends are here. He recognizes Junmyeon’s family and his older friends from college, too, the ones they hung out with sometimes. He waves and bows to the ones that seem to recognize him, like Kyuhyun and Minho. He doesn’t know most of the people here, though, and neither does Jongdae, so they look around for their friends. They say hello to Sehun and Zitao, both looking dashing on their probably ridiculously expensive suits. They spot Chanyeol, with a pretty girl by his side, and he waves at them with a huge, silly grin on his face. Baekhyun’s going to go say hello but then he sees Kyungsoo to Chanyeol’s other side, looking everywhere but at Baekhyun, and he changes his mind. He will talk to him, but not now. He doesn’t want to ruin this for Junmyeon in case everything goes wrong.

They stop to hug Yixing, who’s chatting with Minseok. It’s been years since Baekhyun last saw him, but he looks the same. His Korean has managed to get a lot worse, though, and it’s obvious that it bothers him, but he doesn’t let it stop him from trying to say a hundred things at once, like how much he’s missed Baekhyun and how long it’s been and how happy he is to see them all again here, at Junmyeonie’s wedding. He can’t stop smiling, and his dimple is as charming as it has always been. Minseok hugs Baekhyun too, and wishes him a belated happy birthday. “You’re old now,” he says. He still looks as baby faced as he did when they were in college, but he turned thirty this year. Yixing shows them pictures of his daughter on his phone. It’s overwhelming, and Baekhyun’s glad when the speakers on the ceiling announce the ceremony’s about to begin. They sit next to Jongin and his date, who Baekhyun recognizes as the boy he saw Jongin with when they went to see Chanyeol’s show, and he introduces him as Moonkyu. It’s nice, seeing (almost) all his friends with someone. It only makes him feel a little inadequate and out of place, but he doesn’t have time to feel too bad about being alone before the ceremony stars.

Junmyeon has never looked more handsome than he does now in his beautiful white suit. Junghwan is in white too. This is Baekhyun’s first time seeing him in person, and by the way he’s looking at Junmyeon right now he knows Junmyeon will be in good hands. The ceremony itself doesn’t last very long. They and their mothers bow at each other repeatedly, and then Junmyeon gives a little speech before the I dos that makes mostly everyone cry, or at least tear up a little. After Junmyeon and Junghwan kiss, everyone stands up to clap. Jongdae whistles. Jongin can’t stop crying. Between all the faces in the crowd, Baekhyun catches Kyungsoo’s eyes for a second, and gets a glimpse of his open-mouthed smile, the one that makes his eyes scrunch up, before he looks away.

For the banquet, he sits on the same table as Jongdae and Yungson, as well as Minseok and Yixing and some of Junmyeon’s cousins. Chanyeol, Jongin and Kyungsoo are all in the same table, just a couple of tables away from Baekhyun’s. He meets Kyungsoo’s gaze over the glasses of champagne, over and over again. Baekhyun’s trying to get the timing right, trying to decide what will be the best way to approach Kyungsoo, but then, as their eyes meet again, it seems to be too much for Kyungsoo. Once again, Kyungsoo takes the decision for Baekhyun. Baekhyun sees him excuse himself to the others in the table as he stands up suddenly, and Baekhyun’s on his feet before Kyungsoo can get very far.
He follows Kyungsoo outside of the tent. They walk until the sound of conversation is barely audible, and they probably got grass stains and dirt on their expensive shoes, but he doesn’t care. Kyungsoo doesn’t stop until they’re blocked out of view by some tall hydrangea bushes, and only then he turns around to face Baekhyun.

Neither of them say anything for a while. Baekhyun has so much to say, but he doesn’t know where to start. He just looks at Kyungsoo. He looks really handsome. His hair’s up, and the straight lines of his suit make him look lean and a little taller than he actually is.

Kyungsoo breaks the silence, in the end. Baekhyun thinks Kyungsoo is a lot braver than he is. “You’re wearing the suit,” is what Kyungsoo says, and it takes Baekhyun completely by surprise.

“Ah, well,” he says, trying to hold back a nervous laugh. “Someone told me it looked nice on me.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t react to that. “Baekhyun,” he says. “What do you want?”

“I just…” Why is this so hard? “I just want to talk.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, looking at the ground. “Then talk. We don’t have all day.”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath. He can do this. “I want to apologize.” That makes Kyungsoo raise his head to look at Baekhyun again. “For acting like an idiot.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo says, face blank. “Is that all?”

“No,” Baekhyun says. He takes a step forward, towards Kyungsoo. “I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt.” He pauses. He doesn’t know what to say next. For all he wanted to talk to Kyungsoo, he didn’t exactly make up a plan. But he’s always been a live-in-the-moment kind of person, so he just says what feels right. “I don’t know if you know this, but you hurt me, too.”

Kyungsoo looks away. Baekhyun wants Kyungsoo to look at him, so he reaches up to cup the back of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo looksup to him instantly, as if the touch burns him. “I didn’t know,” Kyungsoo says, voice just above a whispers.

“Don’t lie,” Baekhyun says. “I liked you back in college. More than liked you. But you already know that, don’t you?”

“I didn’t… I wasn’t sure,” Kyungsoo says. “You never said anything.”

Baekhyun shakes his head. Somehow, all the little things are starting to make sense now. He understand what Junmyeon meant. “And when I asked you if we were still friends, you said we were, didn’t you?” Baekhyun says. “You never said you wanted something else, so how was I supposed to know?”

“Does it matter?” Kyungsoo seems pissed, now. Baekhyun isn’t sure if he’s actually angry or if this is just his defense mechanism surfacing. “I get it. You don’t want me like that. Now let me go.” He sounds tired, and hurt, and all Baekhyun wants is for both of them to stop hurting.

“No.” Baekhyun says. “I’m tired for letting you decide for me.” All this time, it has always been Kyungsoo. From the beginning, when Kyungsoo kissed him that night, it has always been him. Maybe all they had needed all along was for Baekhyun to help him a little, help Kyungsoo lead them both into the right direction. So Baekhyun takes a decision for both of them, this time. His pulse picks up. “I’m going to say something, and I need you to believe me, okay?”

“I can’t promise you that,” Kyungsoo whispers, but his eyes are wide, and he doesn’t try to push Baekhyun away, so Baekhyun takes a leap of faith.

All we had to do was tell each other how we felt.

“Kyungsoo,” he says. “I don’t want to be your friend,” His voice comes out a little shaky, but that’s only because he means it, because he’s sure about this, has probably never felt so sure about anything in his life.

Kyungsoo frowns. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” he says, and his voice is shaking just as much as Baekhyun’s. “Don’t lie to me, because I…”

“You what?” Baekhyun asks, because even after all this time, after all these years, he’s still scared of taking chances. Right now, he wants so, so much from Kyungsoo, and he knows he’s asking for a lot, but he’s still scared of giving himself up in return. So he allows himself a last moment of selfishness, and asks, pleads again. “You what, Kyungsoo.” He tightness the hand on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck and pushes him forward until they’re pressed close together, until he can feel Kyungsoo’s breath on his own lips. “Tell me.”

“I love you,” Kyungsoo says, his voice high and determinate. “I’ve been in love with you since I was twenty one.” He raises a hand to Baekhyun’s cheek and Baekhyun melts into the touch. “I love you,” Kyungsoo repeats, and Baekhyun doesn’t need to hear any more.

He kisses Kyungsoo, kisses him with everything he’s held secret inside his chest since he was twenty, and this time there are no regrets, no take backs. Kyungsoo kisses him back, and Baekhyun feels like he could burst at any second.

“I love you too,” Baekhyun says when they pull back for air, breathing heavily against each other’s lips, and then they’re kissing again. Kyungsoo threads both hands into Baekhyun’s hair, and Baekhyun grabs Kyungsoo’s waist with his free hand for balance. They kiss again and again, and each time they pull apart and Baekhyun sees Kyungsoo’s wide, heart shaped smile and the pink high on his cheeks, he wants nothing more than to kiss him again, so he does. He ends up moving the hand on Kyungsoo’s neck to his hair, and by the time they pull away for the last time is hair is standing out in every direction. But this is exactly how Baekhyun likes Kyungsoo the most, smiling and flushed and his hair a mess. He wants to kiss him again, but he doesn’t know how long they’ve been here, and they need to go back to the party. The sun’s already beginning to go down.

“You asshole,” says Kyungsoo. He can’t stop smiling. “I really thought we wouldn’t… that you didn’t—“

Baekhyun presses his face into Kyungsoo neck. It feels like home. “I do.”

They go back to the party eventually. It takes him a while to make sure their hair and clothes are presentable, but there’s nothing they can do about their swollen lips. In any case, Baekhyun feels like anyone would know what they were up to just by looking at the huge grins on their faces, so he doesn’t mind.

Right before they get inside the tent, Kyungsoo takes his hand and holds tight. Baekhyun squeezes back and gives him a peck before walking inside.

As the sun set, people had gotten up from their tables, and mostly everyone’s dancing. There are little lights everywhere, and big, beautiful chandeliers hang from the ceiling. They go sit at Baekhyun’s now empty table, and they watch their friends as they dance. Jongin and his date make quiet the pair, and so do Chanyeol and his girl, but for completely different reasons. Jongdae catches Baekhyun’s eyes over Yungson’s shoulder, and Baekhyun’s so happy that he just raises his and Kyungsoo’s hands clasped together as an explanation. He’s too far away and the music’s too loud, but Jongdae’s face lights up in a laugh so clearly that Baekhyun’s sure he can almost hear it. “Told you so,” Jongdae mouths, and Baekhyun doesn’t even have it in him to roll his eyes. Kyungsoo puts their hands down onto his lap and threads their fingers together. Baekhyun turns to look at him, really look at him. The soft lightning makes him look young, and beautiful, and Baekhyun… Baekhyun’s in love. He can’t help but kiss him again, right there where anyone could see them (and definitely where Jongdae can see them), but he doesn’t care. Now that he has this, now that he has Kyungsoo, he doesn’t ever want to hide again.

He spots Junmyeon and Junghwan in the crowd as a slow, romantic song starts playing. The lyrics suit them, Baekhyun thinks. Kyungsoo leans his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, and Baekhyun thinks that they suits him and Kyungsoo, too.

He decides to be brave once again. Apparently, that’s what happiness does to the heart.

“Hey,” he says to Kyungsoo, and then kisses the top of his head. “Want to dance?”

Kyungsoo laughs, then nods. Baekhyun pulls them to their feet and into the dance floor, very aware of all the eyes turning towards them. Kyungsoo puts both hands on his waist, and it only feels natural for Baekhyun to hold his neck. As they sway to the music, Baekhyun notices their friend’s eyes on them. Baekhyun can’t wait to tell them everything, or maybe kiss Kyungsoo right in front of them, to make things easier. But he can’t really pay attention to anyone except Kyungsoo right now, whose eyes are shining more than the lights around them, and probably all the stars in the universe, too. He’s so distracted they almost bump into Junmyeon and Junghwan.

“Watch it, kids,” says Junghwan, pulling Junmyeon closer to him and away from them, successfully avoiding the collision.

“Love is dangerous,” Junmyeon says, and winks at them. It’s incredibly cringe-worthy, but also really sweet, so Baekhyun doesn’t hold it against him.

Baekhyun watches the couple dance away from them, and then turns back to Kyungsoo. “Hey, did you know Junmyeon-hyung and Junghwan-hyung were friends with benefits?”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him, but he’s obviously amused. “Yes.” He tilts his head to the side. “Your point?”

“Look at them now,” says Baekhyun, pointing at them with his head. He feels drunk, but he hasn’t had anything to drink. He’s not thinking before he speaks, but for once he’s glad he lacks a filter. He doesn’t care about keeping appearances anymore. “Wouldn’t it be funny if we ended up like them?”

Kyungsoo laughs, the sound so cute and honest it makes Baekhyun laugh, too. “Only in your dreams, Byun,” he says, all fake bravado. Baekhyun feels something warm in his chest blow up. He thinks about the future, and the possibilities. Maybe, he wants to say. He could tell Kyungsoo about how much he missed waking up next to him the time they were apart, how much he’d like to fall asleep with Kyungsoo in his arms and wake up to his sleepy smile every single day of his life. How much he’d like to make Kyungsoo his, just like that.

Instead, he just holds Kyungsoo tighter, and kisses him softly. “I can’t make any promises,” he says.

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2015: Let's Get Carried Away (for prompt 26)

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