sooenaemoured | 2015: monodrama (1/2) (for prompt 22)

Title: monodrama
Rating: PG-13
Other pairings involved: D.O/Xiumin, Suho/Chen, Tao/fem!Lay, Kai/Sehun (if you squint)
Length: 13,489 words
Summary: Baekhyun's life is just not one of those dramas Jongin pretends not to watch.
Warnings: Language, abuse of italics, super cliches
Notes: This is my first time writing anything this long, so I hope I haven't screwed it up T_T. To my dear reader(s): I didn't follow the prompt exactly, but I hope you enjoy what I came up with in the end! It's my first proper fic, so I really, really hope I've written something you'll like. To my betas, G and A, I couldn't have done this without you. X

“So,” Sehun’s annoying nasally voice pierces through Baekhyun’s peaceful bubble, “When are you and Kyungsoo-hyung getting engaged?”

They’re over at Junmyeon’s mansion, celebrating his engagement to Jongdae. The room is full of cute photos of Junmyeon and Jongdae throughout the years as well as those yummy little cocktail sausages Kyungsoo wraps in bacon. Baekhyun’s been minding his own business, trying to stay away from the love and happiness as far as possible because Kyungsoo’s too busy in the kitchen to rain on the gross fluff stuff with him, and well, Jongdae is the gross fluff stuff, so Baekhyun’s been forced to embark on this mission alone.

An extremely unfortunate flush creeps up his neck at Sehun’s words. “When are you going to stop being a dickhead?” he rolls his eyes to try to cover it up, hoping the younger can’t sense the discomfort he’s successfully caused.

Sehun exchanges a thoughtful glance with Jongin next to him, who is equally young, equally annoying and equally unfairly good-looking. “Never,” he shrugs, in sync with the smirk Jongin displays. “Now that Jongdae-hyung is getting married, I feel obligated to continue his legacy. Your life would be meaningless without someone to piss you off.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Sehun,” Kyungsoo says, walking over.

“You ditch me and make me soldier through this love fest for an hour, and now you come back and you’re not even on my side? I’m offended,” Baekhyun pouts, sliding over to Kyungsoo.

“You’ve always liked challenges, though,” Sehun smirks knowingly at Baekhyun, who twitches. “You have to admit.”

“You, Jongin and your gross twink-ness are a challenge,” Baekhyun says wearily, “And I hate you. Why don’t you leave me alone and go water Jongin’s cacti, or breathe somewhere else, far away from here?”

“No can do,” Jongin shakes his head solemnly. “As official younger brother to the newly engaged, it is my assigned duty to make sure you don’t get drunk and start hogging the karaoke machine,” he recites, and adds, “again,” as an afterthought.

Kyungsoo snorts. “I came out to check you weren’t drunk,” he admits, grinning. “But it appears that someone else has been given that job. I’m out,” he says with a wave, heading back to the safe haven that is Junmyeon’s kitchen, where there is a TV that Kyungsoo is probably watching some drama re-run on. Jerk.

The party is in full swing, with loud music and dancing. Chanyeol is (embarrassingly) DJ-ing, and the room is packed with friends, colleagues, and a whole bunch of people Baekhyun doesn’t recognise.

Sehun watches Baekhyun watch Kyungsoo go and sighs. “For real now, hyung,” he starts when Kyungsoo is out of earshot. “What’s going on with you and Kyungsoo?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun answers. “There’s nothing going on. He doesn’t feel the same way, you know that.”

Sehun facepalms with a loud smack and Jongin looks like he’s about to cry.

“Ummmmm, maybe that’s because you won’t tell him how you feel, and, uh, I dunno,” Jongin sings sarcastically. “He thinks you’re straight!” he yells, distressed.

“Louder, Jongin, I think there are a few households in Busan who didn’t quite catch that,” Baekhyun reddens. “And hey, I am straight. I just… happen to also like people of the Kyungsoo variety.”

Sehun does his best unimpressed face.

“No, really!” Baekhyun protests. “I’ve only ever… Kyungsoo’s the only guy…” he trails off.

“Three hours ago you said you wanted to marry Junmyeon,” Jongin points out.

“Not in a sexual way!” Baekhyun counters. “I just want someone to buy me a Porsche and build me a home cinema!”

Junmyeon is an angel. Normally, Baekhyun would rather eat his own hands than admit that there was any living person whose existence outweighed his own. Junmyeon, however, is a special case. Baekhyun just really fucking loves Junmyeon. Junmyeon is nice and doesn’t make Baekhyun jokes and has a really cute dog and is fucking loaded so he lives in a mansion with a pool and a home cinema and a room that’s been reserved just for Baekhyun when he wants to stay over. That, Baekhyun thinks, is what a true person should be like. The whole world should just be Junmyeon. Junmyeon is great. Fuckyeahjunmyeon.tumblr.com.

Sehun sighs again, distressed. “This is going nowhere. Seriously, just tell him how you feel, for fucks’ sake, you guys have been practically married since I was in like, middle school.”

“No,” Baekhyun refuses. “First he’s going to hate me for not telling him that I’m not entirely straight-“

“AHA, so you admit it,” Jongin cuts in conspiratorially, but withers when Sehun makes another unimpressed face. “Sorry,” he clears his throat. “Please continue.”

“Then,” Baekhyun adds, “He’s going to reject me because we’re bros and it’s fucking weird that I have feelings and shit, and THEN,” Baekhyun pauses for effect and emphasis. “Then I’m going to lose my best friend forever and move in with Jongdae and Junmyeon and eat all your food,” he concludes, looking pointedly at Jongin, who squirms uncomfortably at the thought of someone eating all his chicken.

Sehun stares at Baekhyun for a long time, before deflating. “Fine. Whatever. At least do yourself a favour and stop being so lame then. There are a ton of people here tonight who are just as single as you, and probably really socially desperate if they’re friends with Junmyeon,” he announces. “Get out there and meet someone instead of standing in a corner and thinking about how much you want to eat Kyungsoo and not those snacks.”

Baekhyun gulps. Kyungsoo has really soft skin and he constantly smells like herbs and lemon, and Baekhyun is extremely distracted by the thought of tasting Kyungsoo’s smooth neck and—

Sehun clears his throat. “Your eyes totally just glazed over I’m so disgusted I’m going to dip my contact lenses in Dettol and try and forget that traumatic micro-experience you have just caused.”

“I’m not going to go try and pick up someone else,” Baekhyun ignores Sehun. “It’s pointless. Unless that person looks like Kyungsoo and talks like Kyungsoo and bakes chocolate cakes on my birthday like Kyungsoo and is basically everything that Kyungsoo is and ever will be, I’m just not interested,” he says forcefully.

Again, Sehun peers at him carefully, but this time, he says nothing.

The rest of the night after that goes rather uneventfully, save for the fact that Sehun and Jongin eventually wander off, giving Baekhyun the opportunity to get himself piss-faced drunk. In his defence, the alcohol was free and Chanyeol was offering instant refills.

“You had one job,” Jongdae tells his younger brother as he helps Kyungsoo pull a sleeping Baekhyun up off of Junmyeon’s couch.

Jongin frowns miserably. “I got bored so I went skateboarding,” he confesses mournfully, dropping his head.

“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head. “We all know he’s a lightweight. It was bound to happen.”

Baekhyun wakes up during the cab ride home, but Kyungsoo still has to carry him into the flat and to his bed. Stuff like this only happens in his greatest fantasies, Baekhyun thinks hazily, except in the fantasies, Kyungsoo isn’t wearing underwear or cursing Baekhyun for his stupidity. But he’ll take what he can get. He does feel crappy about it, though, because Kyungsoo’s hold on him is tight and warm, and it feels right, like he fits right there in Kyungsoo’s tiny and adorable embrace, but at the same time he’s kind of passed out and he probably looks like a really gross dead leaf.

“Hey, ‘Soo, hey,” Baekhyun yawns as Kyungsoo lowers him into his bed. Kyungsoo hums vaguely in acknowledgement as he goes on to pull Baekhyun’s jacket off and unbutton his shirt. “Have I ever told you how-“ Baekhyun yawns again. “How much I love you?”

Kyungsoo stiffens slightly as he shucks Baekhyun’s pants off and slips him into clean shorts. “No, I don’t think you have,” he answers quietly.

“Well, I love you,” Baekhyun sighs, squeezing his eyes shut and snuggling into his mattress.

There is silence for a long time before Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo sigh softly. “Why do you do this?” Kyungsoo mumbles tiredly, and that’s the last thing Baekhyun’s aware of before the bedside lamp goes off and the door is pulled close.

The only thing Baekhyun grasps the next morning is getting drunk, which he is helpfully informed of by the splitting headache he feels when he wakes up. Kyungsoo’s already left for work, but there’s a glass of water and a strip of aspirin waiting for Baekhyun on the kitchen table, along with a plastic container of kimchi fried rice for him to take to work.

Baekhyun lies on the floor for about three minutes and rolls around because he has Kyungsoo in his life but he doesn’t and he wants to kiss Kyungsoo for being so precious and great but he can’t and everything sucks.

He goes to work anyway though because he’s a strong, independent man who only needs Kyungsoo like, 8 out of the 24 hours in each day, and his horoscope says big things are meant to happen today. He sees Chanyeol about ten times more hungover than he is when he gets to work, and he doesn’t even have a Kyungsoo to do stuff for him, so Baekhyun figures life could be a lot worse.

When Baekhyun gets home, Kyungsoo’s already home and the aroma of tonkatsu greets Baekhyun as he toes off his shoes. This is different. The dining table is set nicely and there are two chilled bottles of beer next to each place setting.

“’Soo?” Baekhyun asks as he pads into the kitchen. Kyungsoo’s already changed out of his work clothes and comfortably stirring a sauce on the stove. “You’re early today. What’s the occasion?”

“I, uh,” Kyungsoo starts nervously, eyes trained on his saucepan. “I have something I need to tell you. Dinner’s ready, so change up?”

Baekhyun’s eyes dart from Kyungsoo, to the slight shake of his hands, to the crispy pork fillets waiting on a serving plate and his heart rate starts to pick up.

“So there is an occasion?” Baekhyun asks.

Could it be?

Kyungsoo nudges his head to get Baekhyun to change, and the latter obeys. Baekhyun’s mind swims with thoughts of what Kyungsoo could possibly want to tell him that’s so serious. It seems like something special is about to happen, and he can’t help but feel some kind of hope.

Maybe Sehun said something? Baekhyun thinks as he heads back out to the dining table and takes his place. Baekhyun helps himself to rice and meat and pours a generous lashing of sauce over his plate. He waits for Kyungsoo to do the same before taking a bite and humming appreciatively.

“This is delicious, we both know it,” Baekhyun says. “But what do you want to tell me?”

Kyungsoo takes a swig of his beer and exhales slowly. Baekhyun’s fingers shake under the table. This could possibly be the moment he’s been waiting for forever. Kyungsoo is going to confess to him and Baekhyun can confess back and they can be cute and happy together forever.

He peers at his flatmate patiently, listening carefully, expectantly…

… And then deflates when he hears what Kyungsoo really has to say.

“I’ve been offered a six-month exchange stint at work… for the Tokyo office. And I said yes.”

Tokyo?

Six months?

“Haha,” Baekhyun laughs with poorly masked discomfort. “How are you going to go from our flat to Tokyo every day for six months?” he asks weakly. Baekhyun slowly feels himself feeling sicker and sicker by the moment as he absorbs what Kyungsoo’s just said.

In the ten years they’ve been friends, Baekhyun’s never been away from Kyungsoo for longer than a couple of days at the most, and even during long holiday periods, they would spend all their time together. Baekhyun had even bribed a kid to switch rooms with him in college so they could be roommates and when they graduated and got jobs, they picked the flat together so they could live in a neighbourhood that was near enough to both Kyungsoo’s office and the school where Baekhyun teaches piano.

Kyungsoo has been in Baekhyun’s life so intensely and for so long that Baekhyun genuinely does not remember what he did in all his free time before Kyungsoo transferred to his school when they were fifteen and joined the group of friends he had formed with Chanyeol and Jongdae.

“Baek,” Kyungsoo interrupts the whirlpool raging on in Baekhyun’s head. “You know what I mean. I’m going to be staying in Tokyo for those 6 months. It’s a really great opportunity and if I do well, they might promote me and it’s Japan, y’know, I’m kind of excited…” Kyungsoo trails offs, gauging Baekhyun’s reaction.

“No, yeah,” Baekhyun clears his throat and sits up in his seat. “That’s great. I’m happy for you, you’re going to do great. That’s really cool, ‘Soo!” he forces a wide smile.

No it’s not, why is this happening, this was NOT supposed to happen, FUCK YOU BESTASTROLOGY.NET, he screams in his head.

Even Kyungsoo’s radiant smile as he describes the project he’ll be working on in Tokyo isn’t enough to reassure Baekhyun that this is not a nightmare and the world isn’t slowly imploding. Kyungsoo leaves in a week and a half. Baekhyun is not okay.

“Hey, ‘Soo,” he says abruptly the moment he finishes his food. “Work was kind of rough today. Chanyeol set the fire alarm off by accident,” he lies. “I think I’ll just go to bed early. I’ve got a student coming in at eight-thirty tomorrow. Thanks for dinner, it was great.”

He makes a beeline for his bedroom before Kyungsoo can even answer, and wraps himself in his duvet, resisting the urge to scream. He stares at his ceiling for the next hour, listening to the faint sounds of Kyungsoo loading the dishwasher and the sound of the shower being turned on shortly after. When he finally drifts off to sleep, it’s nearly three a.m., and the first thought that comes to him when he wakes up the next day is that Kyungsoo is leaving in 12 days and nothing good is going to come out of it.

The thing is, as upset as Baekhyun is, he can’t show Kyungsoo he’s upset because he lo- really likes Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo really wants to go to Japan and do this stupid work thing. So of course Baekhyun has to be the supportive best friend, encouraging Kyungsoo and helping him shop for stuff he’s going to need to bring over to Tokyo.

Jongdae’s too busy letting Junmyeon suck his newly-engaged dick to spend hours on the phone talking to Baekhyun about his Kyungsoo-related issues, so Baekhyun has no choice but to consult Chanyeol, who is a complete waste of space and time.

“I mean, why does it have to be in fucking Tokyo?” Baekhyun rants to Chanyeol over lunch a week before Kyungsoo leaves. “They have architects in Japan, I don’t see why Kyungsoo has to go all the way over there. I’m like, 90 per cent certain that we have buildings here in Seoul that need to be worked on.”

Chanyeol considers this, and swallows a mouthful of kalbijjim. “It’s not like he’s moving there forever, Baek. And this isn’t like, 2010 or something; we have phones. You can call him.”

“But that’ll make me seem like I can’t live without him,” Baekhyun counters.

“Um,” Chanyeol squints. “You can’t. You already admitted that like five days ago.”

“Kyungsoo doesn’t need to know that!” Baekhyun scowls.

Chanyeol frowns. “You know, this whole thing is lame aye-eff, and I don’t have time for you if you’re going to keep being a basic bitch. Just tell him you’re pathetically in love with him and then your life will seem less like a really badly-written fanfic.”

Baekhyun throws his spoon at Chanyeol. It hits his cheek before it clatters to the ground, and there’s a visible splotch of residual spit on said cheek. It’s mildly disgusting, but Baekhyun doesn’t give a fuck about Chanyeol anymore. “You are useless,” he informs Chanyeol. “Everyone is useless. No one understands me and the difficult situation I’m in.”

Chanyeol gets up and leaves after that, and Baekhyun spends some time reflecting on why all his friends are so problematic.

3 days before Kyungsoo leaves, Baekhyun helps him pack his stuff up into boxes. It makes Baekhyun feel like Kyungsoo’s moving away so he stuffs a few of Kyungsoo’s t-shirts under his bed when Kyungsoo isn’t looking to make himself feel better.

Kyungsoo being away for 6 months means he’s going to miss out on 6 months worth of Friday dinners at Jongdae’s flat and 6 months worth of movie nights. Baekhyun won’t have anyone to talk to in the flat after work for 6 whole months, and no one’s going to be around to make sure he doesn’t drink stale water or expired milk.

With all of Kyungsoo’s stuff packed away, there aren’t any clean socks in the laundry basket for Baekhyun to steal and there’s no yoghurt in the fridge, because Kyungsoo is the only one who bothers washing his socks and yoghurt is really stuff Kyungsoo buys for himself but Baekhyun eats because he’s a lazy asshole. In short, Kyungsoo hasn’t even left yet and everything is a mess.

The night before Kyungsoo’s flight, Baekhyun orders two extra large pizzas and they watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, as is their tradition to do so before every big, life-altering moment. They’ve been doing the same thing for years, but somehow, this night feels different from all the others. The tension between them is thick and strained, and Baekhyun finds himself at a loss for words. He and Kyungsoo know every single line to this movie, yet no one says a word, not even when Hermione punches Malfoy in the face, which is when they usually break into an argument about Drarry vs. Dramione (Drarry being the CLEAR winner).

Baekhyun most definitely does not cry when movie-Sirius Black tells Harry that the ones who love us never really leave us, even if all he can think about is Kyungsoo and how Kyungsoo is leaving him and he’s going to be alone for 6 months like Harry was at the Dursley’s, except instead of three mean relatives, he has Chanyeol, Sehun and Jongin, and he can’t really decide which is worse, but it doesn’t matter because all he’s ever wanted is Kyungsoo who is leaving and has no idea about Baekhyun’s EXTREMELY FRAGILE FEELINGS OF EMOTIONALNESS AND KIND OF LOVE.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything except a simple goodnight when he heads to his room, and Baekhyun feels his heart deflate a little, because Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to be experiencing any of the same separation anxiety at all, and it makes Baekhyun wonder if this is Kyungsoo wanting to leave him because he’s tired of Baekhyun.

“How could you say that?” Jongdae says calmly over the phone later when Baekhyun calls him, buried in his duvet. “You guys have been together forever, Baekhyunnie. If he wanted to leave, he would’ve left ages ago.”

Baekhyun swallows thickly. “What if he doesn’t come back?” he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut.

Jongdae is quiet for a few moments, and Baekhyun almost thinks the connection has dropped until Jongdae’s voice crackles through the receiver, “Would it make a difference if he were happy?”

Sighing, Baekhyun contemplates for a minute. “… If he were happy, then I’d have to live with it, I guess,” he admits eventually.

Jongdae hums. “So you really do love Kyungsoo,” he comments.

“What makes you say that?” Baekhyun flushes, wondering to himself what the point of denying it even was.

“In the twenty years I’ve had the misfortune of knowing you, the only other time you’ve ever been concerned about someone else’s happiness is when Junmyeon and I started dating,” Jongdae says softly, and Baekhyun can hear the smile in his voice.

“You make me sound like a selfish asshole,” Baekhyun mumbles, embarrassed,

“You are,” Jongdae deadpans. “But we love you anyway. Kyungsoo loves you, you know he does,” he continues, and Baekhyun’s heart lurches traitorously. Not in the preferred way, he thinks bitterly. “He’s going to come home, Baek. You’re overthinking this,” Jongdae continues, reassuring.

They talk for a bit more about work and boring things like what date would be the best to hold Jongdae and Junmyeon’s wedding on. Jongdae hangs up with a final, “Don’t worry, okay?” and Baekhyun drifts off to sleep feeling mildly less panicked.

Kyungsoo’s flight is at 9 the next morning, and Jongin, Junmyeon and Jongdae come over to help him load his suitcases into the car. Sehun and Chanyeol meet them at the airport, and Baekhyun tries his best to seem as calm as possible as the minutes tick by and it gets closer and closer to when Kyungsoo has to go. The presence of the other guys lightens what Baekhyun assumes would be an incredibly sombre mood, but he can’t bring himself to be as upbeat as the others when Kyungsoo promises to call and send pictures and buy everyone presents.

Finally the time comes for Kyungsoo to check-in and head to his departure gate, and they take turns hugging him and wishing him well. Sehun cries a little when Kyungsoo tells him he’ll miss him, and Baekhyun feels tears welling in his own eyes. He’s standing behind everyone, feeling hopelessly lost and awkward until Jongdae pulls him forward, whispering in his ear for him to get a grip.

“I’ll go get the car,” Junmyeon clears his throat, motioning for Sehun and Jongin to come with him, and Jongdae and Chanyeol suddenly find themselves both having to use the bathroom. They wave to Kyungsoo one last time before they all disperse, and Baekhyun is left alone with Kyungsoo.

His heart is beating deafeningly in his chest and he’s at a complete loss for words as he stares at his best friend. Kyungsoo looks like he’s struggling to say something, too, chewing on his bottom lip.

An announcement comes over the P.A system for passengers on Kyungsoo’s flight to start boarding, and they both freeze.

“I guess this is it, huh?” Kyungsoo laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Baekhyun grins lamely. “This is it,” he agrees.

“Don’t set the apartment on fire while I’m gone,” Kyungsoo is finally looking at him, and Baekhyun feels his breath hitch slightly at Kyungsoo’s soft voice, filled with fondness. “Don’t forget to eat, don’t forget to close the windows when it rains, and for fucks’ sake, take a shower every day,” Kyungsoo says, eyes twinkling.

Baekhyun feels those tears starting to sting again as he chokes out with false confidence, “What are you talking about? I’ll be fine on my own.” What the hell am I going to do without you? he wants to say, so badly. “Won’t even know you’re gone.”

Kyungsoo’s heart-shaped grin doesn’t quite meet his eyes as he replies, “Ungrateful bitch. You better not bring a ton of girls into the flat to replace me either.”

“No promises,” Baekhyun whispers, and it sucks that Kyungsoo has no idea that the flat is going to totally empty for the next 6 months because no other human being alive could possibly make Baekhyun love Kyungsoo any less than how much he does now.

They slip back into strained silence until Baekhyun decides that prolonging this torture is pointless. Flashing Kyungsoo another smile, he says, “Get out of here. You’ll miss the plane.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo blinks. “Yeah, I’m going.”

Baekhyun looks away for a second before he receives an armful of Kyungsoo. This is the first time he and Kyungsoo have hugged in literal ages and Baekhyun is too stunned to move. It’s regretfully over before he has the luxury of squeezing back, and Kyungsoo’s a little red in the face when he pulls away.

“I’ll see you, Baek,” he says with an air of finality, and before Baekhyun can say anything in return, Kyungsoo’s walking away. Baekhyun watches him go and tries not to think anything gross like I think my heart just left for stupid fucking Tokyo because he’s totally manly and stuff.

He waits till Kyungsoo’s gone past customs and Baekhyun can’t see him anymore until he sighs lightly and slumps into one of the plastic chairs in the airport hallway. “I’ll miss you,” he says aloud, but of course, the empty space in front of him gives no reply.

Six hours after Kyungsoo is gone, Baekhyun realises there is close to no edible food in the fridge or pantry, so he decides to brave the unknown world of the supermarket and try to pick something up for lunch.

He dumps a bag of rice, a couple of heads of broccoli and some sliced beef into his basket and reaches for a box of peaches until he realises Kyungsoo isn’t around to eat them, hand dropping sadly to his side. He fills the rest of the basket with yoghurt and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and heads to the checkout counter, but he stops halfway when he considers the fact that he’s never actually cooked real food before, so he surreptitiously throws in a few different flavours of instant ramyun, just to be safe.

He spends half an hour on Google when he gets home, searching for WikiHow pages like how to cook rice for 1 person, how to cook broccoli, how do I blanche something, and how do I deal with the fact that my best friend is in another country and I miss him? His rice comes out decently and his beef is a little dry, but totally edible. He unfortunately messes up the broccoli, but he doesn’t really care because Kyungsoo is the one who insists they eat vegetables and to be honest, Baekhyun kind of hates broccoli.

Kyungsoo had called earlier when he landed and they had spoken briefly, Kyungsoo expressing his excitement to be in busy Tokyo and Baekhyun kind of… deflating slowly. He wishes he could’ve spent hours talking to Kyungsoo, but the latter had seemed so eager to start looking around Tokyo that Baekhyun felt so gross and needy that he hadn’t made a big deal about it.

Baekhyun had taken the day off to do stuff that would distract himself, but he ends up curled up on Kyungsoo’s bed, staring at the ceiling for hours, wondering why he feels like he’s going to fall off the edge of a tall building and into a never-ending abyss of emptiness. The thought that Kyungsoo will not be coming home after work tonight unsettles him totally, and he sighs restlessly, refusing to let his frustrated tears spill.

See, if Baekhyun’s life was one of those super lame dramas that Jongin pretends he doesn’t watch, there would an emotional female idol singing something in the background (imagine Jessica Jung) and the TV screen would be split, and Kyungsoo would be sitting on his balcony in Tokyo, tearfully looking at grainy pictures of Baekhyun on his Motorola flip phone, just as miserable as Baekhyun, which would be when Jongin would cry and yell, “GO HOME, KYUNGSOO! BAEKHYUN LOVES YOU TOO!!!!”

Baekhyun’s life is not one of those dramas.

Kyungsoo is probably sitting on his balcony thinking about how awesome it is that he gets to buy fresh Takoyaki every day. Baekhyun is not Takoyaki.

But that’s what he gets for being a fucking idiot and falling disgustingly in love with his best friend. It escapes Baekhyun completely why his brain thought this would be a good idea. He’s known Kyungsoo since they were both awkward and had acne, back when they used to have regular horror movie marathons. Kyungsoo used to always fall asleep right at the start of the second movie, and Baekhyun would roll his eyes because what kind of lameass person does that??? Baekhyun was clearly way too hardcore for Kyungsoo’s 10pm bedtime. Movie marathons are supposed to be whole-night affairs, dammit Kyungsoo. They’d been together through all the bad times and the good times— Baekhyun breaking his arm, Kyungsoo’s parents’ divorce, the death of Baekhyun’s precious grandmother— and it had all been fine.

Until somehow, in between breaking up with his second girlfriend and his discovery of tasteful flannel, Baekhyun had stopped rolling his eyes whenever Kyungsoo fell asleep, instead strangely hyperaware of the contrast between his pale skin and his dark eyelashes. All of a sudden, he’d be halfway through a conversation with Kyungsoo and he’d space out, focusing right on the pink curve of his best friend’s lips.

When his third girlfriend, a very pretty girl called Kim Taeyeon, had broken up with him in their final year of high school, Baekhyun had been sort of sad. She was a really fun, exciting girlfriend. I care about you, Baek, she had said, holding on to his hand. But I think we both know I’m always going to come in at second place. Then she left, and after graduation, Baekhyun never saw her again.

She was right of course, considering how there were times where they would make out and Baekhyun’s mind would do really unfortunate things like wonder what it would feel like if he and Kyungsoo made out. And then these thoughts became less and less unfortunate and more and more please, someone out there, SOME SUPERNATURAL FORCE, PLEase let Kyungsoo want to make out with me back. At least when Taeyeon broke up with him he could jerk off without feeling guilty.

Somehow, throughout all this shit going on in Baekhyun’s head (and love life), Kyungsoo had managed to ignore Baekhyun’s inner turmoil completely. Like, how fucking annoying is that? There Baekhyun was, a fragile and developing youth with so many feelings, and Kyungsoo was just fucking around getting a scholarship or something. #whateven #literallycannot.

It’s been seven years and Kyungsoo is still oblivious. Baekhyun still hasn’t wised up and still walks around with gross little hearts in his eyes whenever Kyungsoo blinks and stuff. He really needs to have a serious chat with whichever Higher Being thought this would be okay. He wants to text Kyungsoo, and tell him to come home, but he also doesn’t want to be an irritating clingy person, so he goes back to his room and rolls around for a while, discussing with his favourite shark plushie Andrew (gift courtesy of his mother) how his life needs to become one of those dramas asap so Kyungsoo can confess to being in love with Baekhyun and get on the first plane back to Seoul, because then all of Baekhyun’s problems would be solved and he wouldn’t feel so painfully alone.

It’s been about three months since Kyungsoo left and nothing has changed, save for the fact that everything has changed. Baekhyun is still super in love with Kyungsoo, Jongdae is still engaged, Sehun and Jongin are still gross, Chanyeol is still useless and Kyungsoo…

Kyungsoo is still definitely in Tokyo.

Baekhyun thinks it was better back when he first left honestly, because at least then, Kyungsoo would text regularly and send loads of badly-taken photos and they would Skype pretty much every day, so even if Baekhyun missed Kyungsoo, it wasn’t as if they had lost contact forever. Now, with Kyungsoo’s project in full swing, his texts are shorter and less frequent, and he doesn’t even fight back when Baekhyun leaves him 300 messages on LINE chat that are actually all stickers that make your phone hang.

I’ll call you tomorrow started becoming I’ll call you soon, and then it transitioned totally into Bye, Baek, and then the text messages stopped and the photos stopped and Kyungsoo settled into Tokyo and work and life and Baekhyun is still in Kyungsoo’s room. Missing him. But it’s not like it’s a big deal?? Baekhyun can deal. Baekhyun has other friends, and he’s like, really busy watching Boys Over Flowers for the fifth time and making Earth-Shattering Discoveries such as the optimal temperature at which to boil your ramyun noodles.

He’s moved into Kyungsoo’s room completely because it makes him feel a little better, and he actually puts effort into keeping it neat and 99.9% germ free and stuff. He sleeps in one of the t-shirts he stuffed under Kyungsoo’s bed all those months ago because for the first few nights, it smelt like Kyungsoo and his herb and lemon soap? Natural essence? Baekhyun isn’t sure, but it made him feel at home in the empty apartment.

“You need to stop this,” Zitao says to him at work one day. “You haven’t made fun of me in almost two weeks and I think it’s actually giving me hives.”

Baekhyun supresses the urge to sigh for the billionth time. “In Korea we actually prefer not being made fun of. I think you should know, for your cultural understanding and appreciation.”

The look Zitao throws him is acidic and Baekhyun flinches slightly. “Baekhyun,” he says forcefully. “I know you miss Kyungsoo, and I know he left very suddenly and now you’re alone because he was the only person alive who could tolerate your obnoxious being.”

“But you need, for the sake of your sanity and the sanity of the people around you, to get over it. He’s coming back. You haven’t been abandoned. You don’t have to be this miserable!” Zitao cries. “Love yourself!”

“Thanks, Zitao,” Baekhyun says passively. “I’ll think about it.”

“You don’t have to feel like you’re alone,” Zitao continues passionately. He sounds like one of those guidance counsellors on Oprah. “You are only truly as alone as you make yourself to be.”

“You are surrounded by so many amazing people who, for some reason, CARE about you.”

“ZITAO,” Baekhyun says loudly, before Zitao can go on with his spiel. “Look, I know you want to help and stuff, and I appreciate that. I feel that. I really do. RT @ Zitao.”

“It’s just that… No offence, but none of you are Kyungsoo. I can’t explain what that means, but it means something. I can’t get over Kyungsoo being gone until Kyungsoo comes back, because he’s just… Kyungsoo is everything. And he’s not here and I don’t want to know how to deal with that because I don’t want it to become something I have to deal with,” Baekhyun says tiredly.

Zitao’s expression turns sad, and Baekhyun feels mildly guilty. “Baekhyun,” he says quietly.

“It’s fine, “ Baekhyun sighs. “I’m sorry. I just— I have to do this alone.”

He goes over to Jongdae’s apartment after work, sick of his own empty flat. At Jongdae’s apartment there’s always food and alcohol, but more importantly, there are hardly any tangible traces of Kyungsoo.

It’s the fourth night in a row Baekhyun’s decided to crash at Jongdae’s, and though he feels a tiny bit bad for encroaching on Jongdae and Junmyeon’s privacy, he figures his presence in Jongdae’s humble abode is a blessing.

“So,” he says conversationally to Junmyeon. They’re slumped on the couch watching Say Yes to the Dress while Jongdae takes a shower. “Why don’t you just move in here? I mean you practically live here already.”

Junmyeon takes a sip of his tea. “I don’t really know why we didn’t move in together officially. Like you said, I sort of have moved in, anyway. I have a key and my clothes are here. Sometimes we sleep at mine because Jongdae likes the softer mattress. After the wedding we’re going to buy an apartment together, though, and Sehun will move in here with Jongin.”

Baekhyun sticks his tongue out. “Once that happens, I’m never coming over again. The whole place will be permeated with unresolved sexual tension and the distinct scent of nerdy twinks.”

“A little like your apartment?” Junmyeon teases.

“Hey,” Baekhyun frowns. “There’s no painful UST between Kyungsoo and I.”

Junmyeon stares incredulously at him. “You’re kidding right? I always thought you were just kidding around, but your state of denial is actually a little scary.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The older male sets his tea on the coffee table in front of them and turns to face Baekhyun properly. “Baekhyun-ah…” he trails off. “Do you really believe that Kyungsoo has no feelings for you?”

“Obviously,” Baekhyun’s reply is immediate. “He would’ve said something by now.”

“You haven’t said anything,” Junmyeon points out.

“Because I know there’s no hope!” Baekhyun says, frustrated.

Junmyeon sighs. “You won’t know if you don’t try.”

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut and pretends he can’t hear Junmyeon anymore. The countdown app on his phone says it’s exactly a hundred days till Kyungsoo comes back and everything goes back to normal, and there’s no way he’s going to let anyone mess it up by confusing his already confused feelings.

A hundred days. No big deal. A hundred days and Baekhyun can forget about this entire nightmare and the fact that Kyungsoo’s pretty much forgotten about his existence and all that. Whatever bro. Baekhyun’s cool.

A hundred days eventually turns into forty-three, and then twenty-six, and then it becomes six and suddenly, finally, at long last, Baekhyun’s counting the hours till Kyungsoo’s flight lands at Incheon. Junmyeon helped him check the flight details the night before and he’d sent a simple text to Kyungsoo in the morning saying that he would be waiting to pick him up when he arrived.

Kyungsoo had replied with a short, “See you soon ”, but even then, Baekhyun’s heart had picked up at the addition of the smiley face. He can’t wait to see Kyungsoo’s real smiling face when he gets back.

Baekhyun makes sure the flat is spotless before he leaves for the airport, and he even stops by the florist on his way over because this is a celebratory occasion that merits flowers even though it’s cheesy and they’ll probably end up dying since neither him nor Kyungsoo actually give a damn about taking care of plants.

Kyungsoo’s flight is set to land at 1:30 in the afternoon, but Baekhyun gets to the airport a half hour early. His whole body is on edge as he checks his watch and curses the fact that it’s been 1:08 for the past, like, five years.

When the board with all the flight listings finally changes, announcing in flashing red that Kyungsoo’s flight has landed, Baekhyun bolts from his seat, small bouquet of sunflowers (it was the only thing he could afford that looked presentable) clutched tightly in his right hand and makes a beeline for the arrival gate, heart beating like a jackhammer.

The first wave of passengers emerges through the glass doors and Baekhyun hears a smattering of Japanese, telling him he’s in the right place. He cranes his neck in search of his best friend, anxious, and after a few minutes, he catches sight of a small figure through a small gap in the frosted glass, clad in black pushing a trolley over from the baggage carousel.

Baekhyun turns away to brush out his bangs one more time, exhaling shakily. Kyungsoo is home, he thinks as his heart swells in excitement. Everything is going to be okay again. A massive grin blooms on Baekhyun’s face as he turns around again, waiting to see Kyungsoo after all these months.

Finally, finally, FINALLY, Baekhyun chants in his head as chews on his bottom lip, smile growing disgustingly huge. His heart drums in his ears and he holds his breath in anticipation as the doors open slowly…

…and sees Kyungsoo smiling wider than ever, oblivious to the fact that the entire world is collapsing around Baekhyun, whose heart drops straight into his stomach when he sees that smile directed at someone who is most definitely not him.

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